A White Christmas

To update, this round was better than the worst 2. My mouth went wacko this time - I really could not tolerate much in the way of food. I spent one day sipping every few minutes from a water bottle. It was so dry and cottony.  I described it to others like this - think of burning your tongue on a hot drink. Now, imagine that feeling that you get on your tongue your whole tongue and roof and inside of the whole mouth. It lasted for a lot longer than other times. Physically I bounced back pretty well this time. I never went as down deep as #1 and #4.

We came to Salt Lake for Christmas. Carter, Tori and Jesse all couldn't take time off from work. Maggie could have if it would have been something they could have done to come up to WA for Christmas. But we decided to come ahead on down here - it all depended on last minute how I felt and how the weather was for driving. Both were favorable, so south we came. We did hit a couple of blizzardy spots on the drive through Montana, but most of the drive the roads were either just wet or bare and dry.

Maggie's parents went to Issaquah for Christmas, and they were kind enough to let us stay in their house in Lehi. This way we have more room than if we stayed with C&M, and N is not having to be on high alert with a dog in the house all the time. She has warmed up to Korah, and pets her and follows her around now, but she still is on edge not sure what K will do.

Since we got here, we have gotten a few inches of snow. This morning it was blowing so hard at the same time that it was snowing sideways. We got in at dinner time on Saturday. We met everyone at an Italian restaurant in Taylorsville. Carter couldn't make it as he had a call to go to in Layton to fix a client's computer system that had gotten a really bad virus. Sunday we went to C&M's ward then went to Jeff's sister Jan's house for a Howell family get together. Valerie was there visiting her son Jason and family (they came too). Mike and his family, all of our family, Mom came with Mike and Mom's brother in law Garth Porter and his daughter Mary were there. It was so fun to see and spend time with everyone there.

Monday the girls played with Korah in the snow. Maggie and I went shopping. Then Carter and I went to see the new Star Wars movie! I wasn't up for going out to dinner - it had been too long of a day. We went to Costco and got pizza then went home for that and games. Yesterday, Tuesday, we hung out with Maggie. Jeff went to get some tubes to go tubing, but took a long time as the first place he went didn't have any and it was crowded shopping. They all left the same time I did. I went downtown to Tori's house to help her make peanut brittle and have dinner. That was fun spending time teaching her Grandfather's technique to make the best peanut brittle! It was snowing when I left, but not really sticking on the ground. I got back to C&M's and we all came down here to Lehi. It was another long day. My stamina isn't great, but I am able to do most things. I had a hard time carrying a bag of groceries up a flight of stairs - Tori had to take it from me the last couple of steps.

So far, we are all healthy. N just came in from playing outside complaining she was going to throw up, but didn't. I think she just got overheated - so they rested a bit and are out again.We are going to go up to Riverton and maybe see a movie (everyone is working today). Carter and I will go out to dinner, since I had to back out on it on Monday. I did miss dinner out with Brenton and his family last night, but I really wanted to spend the time with Tori, and this was the only time we had, mostly so she could take the candy into work with her, but it really was the only night we could have done that. Tomorrow, everyone is going to stay here for the night, then we'll have Christmas to relax and play games and visit some more! I am loving the time with all my children together. I am getting tired obviously, but I am resting and not doing anything that is taxing to my energy.

One week from today I will be sitting in the chemo room for the last time for infusions! 2 weeks from today I should be out of all the icky stuff and feeling better and getting on the mend again but for the last time!

5 Down 1 To Go!!

Although I am not through this round, yet, I can happily say I have gotten 5 of my 6 infusions over and done with. From the last round, I am not looking forward to the next few days in terms of how I will feel. I had one round that wasn't too bad, and that was round 2. I expected then to just hit the wall like I did with the 1st one, but I didn't. The 3rd round was almost as bad as the first, and #4 I had a couple of really bad days where I just couldn't stand going through. I am not looking forward to having that happen again. I made sure to tell Dr. Sri how much I didn't like it, and to point out all the side effects that I have had this time. One of them is that my fingernails started hurting really badly. I had the middle, ring and pinky fingers on both hands get this red spot in the middle of the nail. It would hurt to pull on my socks - that grabbing and pulling motion. I just now took the picture and the redness has gone down quite a bit and the soreness is not really noticeable. I just hope that I don't loose my nail. The left middle finger was the worst. It was so bright red, that I kept thinking I had gotten a spot of paint or nail polish on it.

The soles of my feet also get really tired-sore if I walk or stand too much. The day before Thanksgiving when I was in the kitchen most of the day I really only did too much in regards to my feet. But the next couple of days with just sitting down mostly helped that to go away. I mentioned before my question as to am I getting more tired because I am not exercising, or would that get worse if I did some type of exercise? Well Dr. Sri did say that my red blood count is bordering on anemia, not enough to get a transfusion, but enough to feel the side effect of fatigue. So this time is one where energy will not beget energy. I feel like I should keep up my stamina, but at the same time, I don't want to overdo it. My heart is faring well according to the echocardiogram. The ultrasound showed that both lumps have shrunk by half which the doctor was really pleased with after 4 rounds of chemo. So all in all, this is great news here.
I also have not lost my eyebrows or eyelashes, which is nice to not have to deal with. I have a few (very few) hairs growing back on my head. A couple of the strands are even almost an inch long. Weird that hair will fall out, and then not grow, but some of the strands will actually grow. I guess I am getting ready to be done with this whole thing. I was told that surgery can happen as early as 3 weeks after my last round. I will be meeting with Dr. Moline sometime this month to discuss what will happen. I made it clear to Dr. Sri that grandbaby #1 comes the middle of February and I want to be healed and well enough to travel and be there for that.
Well, here's to a good next couple of days! It feels weird to have the infusion, feel good for a couple of days and just sit here waiting for the inevitable hit the wall time. I wish I could run around that wall really quickly, but since I can't walk up the stairs without getting winded, I guess I am not up to running around any walls. I am determined to rest, rest, rest so I will be up for travelling for Christmas to Utah in 2 weeks!

A Time of Thanks!

Well, it seems like it's been a long time since I have written, and then I realize that it has been. Mostly because I got to have a 4 week break between treatments this time. Also, my time has been full when I have been able to do stuff.

This last round really did it to me. I had a really bad day on the Sunday following the infusion. I took a while coming back from that. I guess I did write about that already. I have been more tired this time. Before I've had a week where I can't and don't do anything. Then about a few days of taking it easy and then a week and a half of pretty much doing normal things. This time I probably had a week and a half of not doing anything. Then a full week of just getting tired everytime I did any kind of activity. Before I was able to ride bikes to school for the 2 weeks before my next treatment. This time there is no way I could have done that. I have been getting a little short of breath just climbing the stairs. Not huffing and puffing, but dragging my feet the last couple of steps. I don't go downstairs very often, so it's not like that is happening all the time. But then again, I don't go downstairs, so I am not used to that activity. I don't know if I should be doing any kind of exercise. The bike riding (1/2 mile each way which took me maybe 10 minutes) was perfect and I felt good afterwards. Since the weather changed, the girls haven't been riding so I am not and so I am not getting any exercise what so ever! If you know me, I hate exercise in any form, so I guess I should be happy I am not doing it. But at the same time I want my heart to be healthy and to be able to climb the stairs and other normal activities. I will have to ask the doctor about that. When I can start again in January, I will be so rock bottom when it comes to fitness I will have to start from scratch.

Good news!! I had an echocardiogram yesterday to check how my heart is holding up as some of the drugs can do damage to the heart. I will hear about that test on Thursday from Dr. Sri. But today I had an ultrasound to check the size of the lumps and the radiologist said "they have significantly decreased in size"! I am really happy about that.

Back to how I have been feeling. So last week I was more tired than I have been on my 3rd week before. I was realizing how nice it was to have an extra week because I would be starting out this round no up to par. I am, yesterday and today, feeling much more normal. I have done things around the house and even decorated for Christmas. I don't have a lot of decorations, so it doesn't take me much time to do that. I do have a new house, so things don't have an automatic place to go. I got it all finished today and the storage boxes are put away and it looks festive around here. Tomorrow I will be able to finish a few things that need doing before me being out a week. By the time I start feeling normal again, it will be just a week before Christmas. I am going to have to turn over a lot of the gift portion of Christmas to Jeff. He actually does most of the stuff normally, so that shouldn't be too hard on him. He is a last minute shopper, though, so I will have to get on him to get some things done so we can get what needs getting in the mail on time.

I have been thinking that if I had kept on my 3 week schedule, then my 5th treatment would have been a week ago and I would be starting to feel better right now. But I can't dwell on that too much. I can say that in a week I will have been through the worst part of number 5 and will only have one more to go!!! I am so ready to be done. I am not looking forward to this - not that I have looked forward to any of them at all. I just have those couple of days that I am dreading. I shouldn't end on that note. I guess I can say that I still feel the prayers that are being offered on my behalf. I do know that my Savior Jesus Christ has been sustaining me through this ordeal. I have not understood the Atonement very much in my life, and I can't say that I really understand it all that much still. But I can say that I know that it is real. Jesus Christ did a lot more than teach us the way to live and love. He paid for our sins. But he did a lot more than that. He took upon Him ALL of our infirmities, not just our sins. All that we suffer, He has suffered. He did this and so He can understand and sustain and support us through anything that we go through. This knowledge and understanding has been the only thing that has gotten me through some hard hours. And being on the other side of this is so good that I don't want to go back into it again, but I will and I know that I will come out on the other side with even more understanding and strength.

The Calm After the Storm

Every day is a new day. That is what I have to go by through this whole ordeal. Just one day at a time - or one minute at a time, which I had to do on the Sunday and part of the Monday following this last treatment. I feel more energy every day. I have less energy than after the other treatments, so I can't expect to follow exactly the same pattern. In fact, I was told that one makes a pattern and follows it pretty closely each time. That has not been the same for me. I guess I can see a little bit of one, I just expected to feel the same, too. But the intensity of the crummies has been varied; from not being able to get out of bed, to being able to wander from living to bed-room. But I can see that I feel pretty good on treatment day and the following day. I start going down hill day 3, day 4 is the worst and I progressively get better from there, at a different pace, but it does go uphill after day 4 and 5. My taste is totally off for a good week. I have a hard time eating as absolutely nothing tastes good. My mouth is dry and filmy. I do notice that when I sleep better, the next day is much better. I am using the zolpidem that the doctor gave me for the first 4-5 nights, then Tylenol pm if I still need more nights of sleep. That has made a big difference. My worst days have been when I go to bed and think "I am tired enough to sleep" and then I have a terrible, wakeful night.

I feel almost normal today - well, normal for what I have these days. I can do most things around the house, I do have to rest more and I get out of breath going up the stairs - not huffing and puffing, but a little bit out of breath. My taste is back to where I can eat most things without gagging and it actually gives me a little pleasure. I am so happy about this as I can look forward to enjoying Thanksgiving dinner. And looking ahead to Christmas, I will be able to enjoy the week or so before that, too.

We are just getting out of the throes of a big wind storm that hit Eastern Washington on Tuesday evening. I don't know what the highest wind speed was, but it was extremely gusty and sustained high winds. Everyone around here keeps referring to the 1996 ice storm that did a bunch of damage, and this one is considered to have done much more. The power went out Tuesday afternoon right before 3:00 and we got ours back last night (Wednesday) at 6:00. Some in the area are estimated to have to go another couple days without. Tuesday night we had scheduled to have the Sister Missionaries over for dinner. Tuesday is Taco night around here, so I had taken some chicken out to thaw for dinner. I was doing some sewing - cutting a bunch of projects out and had just sewn some trim on a bed skirt for N's bed. I finished, put a pan on to cook the chicken, moved the car out of the garage (in preparation to get to piano lessons). 3 minutes after I stopped sewing, the power went off. I figured we could cook the chicken on the bbq. Jeff called me on the way to piano, and had stopped for something and his battery died. I dropped off the girls and went to jump start his car. We were both headed home to get ready for dinner then I would go get the girls (stopping at the store first). We came to a spot where the highway was closed from a power line across it. He went one way, and I went the other to get to another store and the girls. We passed about 5 downed trees on the back roads to and from piano, praying that nothing would actually come down on top of us. Jeff had to keep re-lighting the bbq as the wind kept blowing it out. It took almost an hour to cook 2 pieces of chicken. We got a new sister, and it was her first night here. It was really fun eating by candlelight and having soft tacos. The poor sisters live in a basement apartment of a farm house that runs off a well, so they don't even have water. (they came the next morning to shower).

Wednesday school was cancelled, and the girls and I just hung out at home. I didn't do much, but read and be with them. We decided to go out to dinner instead of cooking eggs on the burner on the bbq. The power came back on 10 minutes before we left, but we decided to go out anyway. It was the same plan as most of the residents of North Spokane. It was like a weekend night at the height of the dinner hour. 30+ minutes wait at Olive Garden. We opted for Azteca next door as they told us we would have a 15 minute wait. There were only 3 other people in front of us. Well, we ended up getting to know another family who came in after us. We were still waiting after 30 minutes. The party right before us had just gotten seated and guess what???.... The power went out! By then, there were about 10 or more other families waiting, and they all left. We were told to wait about 10 minutes and they would have to close if the power didn't come on by then. We all cheered a party of utility workers who were leaving from their dinner break.Well, we took off to find another place to eat. We went to another part of town which still had power. We started to go into Taco Time, but their door was closed and locked even though there were workers in there. Come to find out later the drive-thru was open. We decided to go to a place next door which is more of a local mexican restaurant place. We placed our order and were waiting for it when this same family we had befriended at Azteca walks in! That was a fun coincidence. The food was really, really good and plenty of it! I think Azteca lost customers in us last night! We came home to a warm house, and the ability to see what we were doing. I actually really like it when the power goes out. We have a big box full of old candles.. We had them all over the living room and kitchen. We have a gas fireplace which keeps the living area comfortable. We have food to eat that doesn't require cooking. We played games and the girls built a fort in the living room. Today, there is still no school as a lot of the district is still without power. They are doing chores and playing in the fort and doing some fun stuff. I just did my 'chores' and I am going to do some cross stitch and sewing.

My next treatment - if kept on the 3 week schedule - would be on Thanksgiving day. It is scheduled a week later on December 3rd - my Mother-in-law's and a couple of nephew's birthday. It will be nice to have 2 full weeks of feeling really good this time.

The Blahs

This week has been full of lots of different feelings. It was not good, but there were some good points. First, my mother came to help this time. It must have been inspired. The last 3 treatments I have been able to handle just lying low and letting things go. We had a couple of fun days together before Thursday. Then Thursday (Jeff's and my anniversary), was ok and Friday wasn't all that bad. Actually Saturday was ok to start out with. I think she wondered why she came as I was able to get up and do things. I made the pancake batter Saturday morning and sat out in the living room with the family life going on. I would get my own food and water. Then the afternoon hit and I can't even remember what happened. I don't remember if I was with it or went in my room to escape. I know that the neighbor girl came to play with A and they were quiet. Jeff took N and the other neighbor girl shopping as N needed to get a birthday present for a friend.

Sunday I was NOT good. I couldn't get comfortable. I couldn't sleep or sit or lie down. I just writhed on my bed wishing it would all go away. All I could do was think - "well, that's one minute closer to feeling better". Finally in the evening, I asked Jeff for a blessing. That was about the only thing I could think of to answer the question "What can I get for you?" Our neighbor, Clint, came over and helped Jeff with that. About 30 minutes later, I felt like I could at least not dread the next few minutes and I wasn't so un-attached. Friday night, I didn't sleep well (with a pill), and I was so tired Saturday that I thought to not have to need a sleeping aid. I was wrong. Sunday I took one at bedtime and I slept like Friday - about 3 hours uninterrupted - then off and on for the rest of the night. Monday was about the same - maybe a little better. Last night was much better. I don't know which is the better of the two - sleeping for 3 hours, awake for 2 and off and on for 3 or sleeping 6 hours straight and then be awake from 4:00 on. The sleeping pill does not knock me out for the whole night. 

Monday was a much better day. I rested all day and helped mother with the laundry. I need to get up and move around to get the blood pumping out all the toxins. Walking around the house does the trick. We also sat and planned Thanksgiving stuff. We do this every year, even though it is always the same stuff. (Although this year we are adding a green bean dish and we've never done that). Tuesday was about the same - I felt a little better. I even walked out to the main road to watch the girl's cross on their way to school. Mother and I each had stitching projects to do, so we sat here all day doing that and chatting. I am very tired today, as I have been the whole time. I can tell that the tiredness is lasting longer and being a little more intense. A and I hung crepe paper while Grandma took N shopping for her birthday. That was tiring. I have puttered around just to get up and moving, but spent most of the day on the couch.

The time with my mom here has been such a blessing. She did cleaning, playing with the kiddos, driving for me, and made N's birthday a special day. Without her here today, poor N would have spent it just like any other day off of school - pretty much boring being inside stuff. There was a time last night when I was worried for her (my mother). She took the girls to their piano lesson. Lesson's start at 4:30 and it is a 10 minute drive. It is right now 4:45 and completely dark. She isn't comfortable driving in the dark, especially in new, unlit areas. Well, the way to lessons is curvy, back roads. Luckily she had Siri to take her there and back, but it was sketchy. I sat here watching it get darker and darker hoping she was calm in her drive. She came home fine, but was glad she was home. Jeff got them on his way home from work. Normally, the piano teacher has been coming here on the week that I can't drive. I just wanted to not have to have her do that. 

This time, Dr. Sri said that my blood work has all been consistent, and that my kidneys are handling all the drugs well. The nurse said that they upped one of the drugs because of it. I am hoping they don't do that again. I have an echocardiogram scheduled on the 30th and an ultrasound to check the lumps on the 1st. The next treatment is the 3rd. They have to make sure my heart is holding up well through all of this - some of the drugs can take a toll on it. I do know that this may be one reason why I don't sleep well. My heart rate doesn't really go down when I am resting. It isn't like it is racing. But, when I have counted my resting heart rate at a normal time, it has been about 66 or 67. I did it at a time when I felt it wasn't calming a little, it was about 72. I know it's not much of a difference and maybe it doesn't matter, but it just seemed to me it wasn't slowing as it normally does. I was a little worried I was getting constipated this time, but that is no longer a concern.

Well, Jeff should be home soon. N has been asking all day when she can open her presents (Grandma took her shopping for a present and Jeff is getting ours on his way home tonight, so there haven't been wrapped gifts out here yet). She wants to do it "When dad gets home and changes his clothes". I think she thought it was generous of her to let him change his clothes. But she has to wait until after dinner like everyone else does on their birthdays. Jeff just opened the garage door. I'm off - to no where - but will watch everyone else get dinner ready and maybe even join them at the table. 

4th one down!!!!!

just a quick note to write that today was not only Jeff's and my 27th year anniversary, it was also my 4th infusion. Not the way I expect to celebrate a milestone, but I am happy to have number four under my belt. I feel pretty good today and even enjoyed dinner tonight. Kim Porter brought dinner of a chicken tomato bake, plus peaches, bread and soup for another night. It was really, really good and so thoughtful of her.

I learned that my creatinine levels were good and have been remaining low, so they upped one of my drugs that effects that. This means that my kidneys are doing well and they can put me on a higher dosage of the drug that effects those levels and make it more effective in fighting the cancer. They did that last time. I wonder if that is why I felt more tired last time?  I guess that means my body is reacting well to everything. She is also scheduling an echocardiogram to make sure my heart is staying healthy as some of the drugs can cause damage to the heart. I am going to have an ultrasound to see if the tumor is shrinking as they wish it to do.

Jeff and I celebrated last night by going to the temple then out to dinner at Clinkerdaggers. That is a very nice restaurant in town. Part of its ambiance is that it looks right out over the Spokane Falls, but it was dark and we couldn't really see it even with some flood lights on that part of the river. The restaurant itself was really fun, though. I had prime rib and Jeff had a really good salmon. They gave us a creme brûlée for our anniversary and we also got bananas foster which was really, really good. It was a great night to spend with my eternal companion!

October is Almost Over

I LOVE FALL!!!! It is my favorite season by far. There is a meme floating around FB that shows a beautiful river with trees lining it showcasing all the colors of fall. It says "My favorite color is October". But I am happy when October is finally over. That means Halloween is behind us for another year! I hate all the ghoolie, gross, bloody stuff that Halloween has come to mean for some people. I don't mind trick-or-treating, getting costumes together for the kiddos, even decorating a bit for Halloween. But when you have it in your face every time you turn on the TV, and drive around seeing death (grotesque death) hanging on front yard trees and skulls and stuff in the stores, count me out!
This year, I'm not really looking forward to the candy part of Halloween. I can't eat it. I have not been able to enjoy candy. I did eat a pumpkin cookie last night that tasted really good - that was the first sweet thing I've enjoyed since August.

As for how this round went - it wasn't great. #1 was the worst, #3 the next and #2 was the best so far. I didn't have the heavy lead-weight feeling, but I did have the same non-taste extreme dry mouth happen this time. I also got a UTI yesterday, so I am on anti-biotics for that. I went to the dermatologist yesterday and the PA (who looked 16 years old), said it was most likely rosacea. He prescribed a cream for it. Rosacea is not really diagnosable, and it isn't treatable, but it can be controlled. He and the Dr. said that it was the steroids that I got the first round that caused the inflammation that made my face look so horrible. It is similar to a steroid that they use for some kind of facial problem (I can't remember). They said that the breakout looked just like when they treat their patients with this steroid. It hasn't inflammed again even though I get the steroid each time. He said that the red spots left over from the breakout bumps will take a few months to go away. The cream he prescribed should help.

I am ready for the next round, but really happy I get at least a week of feeling good before that all starts again. I am back to being able to eat and enjoy most of what I consume. That is probably the hardest, having to eat when anything makes me just want to gag. At least this time water didn't make me gag. I need to remember popscicles next time. That will help with the swelling feeling in my mouth and get some kind of something in me.

Halfway There

I have been putting off admitting that I am halfway through. Yes, I completed my 3rd of 6 treatments last week, but that is far from halfway. The day of treatment is a breeze. It's the week that follows that is the hard road, and then the couple weeks after that that one starts to feel normal again before it all starts over. And when I think of it, even after the new year when my treatments are done and my bad week is behind me, I am not sure what is coming next, but it will be something.

So, yes, I am now at the end of my 3rd infusion, and 3rd bad week. And what a week it was! I did some things differently, and I don't know if that is what is to blame. It wasn't as bad as the first round. I did not have any of the heavy body, unable to move feeling about me (thankfully!!!). I did have the same thing happen this time with my mouth. Extreme dry mouth with dead taste buds. Nothing tasted good and it has been hard to get food down. I have had no nausea whatsoever. This time, I decided to forego the anti-nausea pill as one side effect of that is dizziness. I did not like that feeling last time, so I thought I'd be extra watchful if I even had nausea, I would pop it in right away. No, that did not come. But the dry mouth did. I don't know if that would have been avoided with the pill or not??? Jeff said that I will finally figure everything out and it will all be over. One thing different this time is that they were handing out flu shots like candy on Halloween at the chemo room. I did (of course) have one. I have not gone for the flu shot in the past. I feel like it is better to take my chances on catching it (only once have I gotten it- since the push to get flu shots) and build up my resistance on my own. I am not on a soap box here. I just feel like the majority of our non-life threatening vaccines these days are more for the convenience of people not missing work than it is for health purposes. Unless of course one is at high-risk (which I am at this point), then I don't opt for it myself. I am a minority, I know, in my way of thinking and my life situation. I can stay home with sick children and if I am sick, then my dusting doesn't get done (I did that today, btw). I think sick days are good for people. It helps us realize how important and be thankful for good health. ok, there you have my opinion, which is just that!

I felt great on Friday and Saturday. I had a bit of a hard time eating on Saturday, but other than that, I had energy and except for a nap, wasn't fatigued much. The girls had friends over and they played mostly outside all day. It was such a nice day. Sunday was the Primary Program and I so wanted to go. I stayed in bed all morning except for breakfast (yuck), and finally got up and dressed at noon. I was really, really wanting to go to the Sacrament meeting. I was sitting there and realized that it wasn't a good idea, so they went on ahead without me. It was a good thing. I had diarrhea and felt fatigued the whole time they were gone. That is the way that the next 3 days have gone. I know in the handout they give you when you get a vaccine, it says that one cannot get the flu from the flu shot. It is not a live vaccine. But the side effects are almost as bad. Except for a fever, I think maybe (hope) that it is from the shot that I got some of my icky feelings. (hope, so that means it won't happen next time). I just felt crummy. As I said, it wasn't any of that heavy, useless, energy-less feeling. It was just an all over yuck feeling. And on Tuesday and Wednesday at the exact same time, I had to throw up. It came up all of a sudden and when it was gone, it was gone. I didn't actually throw up, more like dry heaves. (sorry to be so descriptive here, but it is a record of how I feel, so I have to be honest and clear). Anyway, that was weird. I decided today to try taking the anti-nausea pill to see if that will take away the bout with nausea from the past 2 evenings. Also, maybe it will help with the dry mouth. I don't know how the two would go together, but you never know.

Well, the girls just got home from school, so I got sidetracked. Today I am feeling better. Got a couple of chores done. Thinking about food has not made me want to curl up and go to sleep to avoid eating. I actually have not felt too hungry today. I still am having a hard time getting fluids down. When I drink I feel like it doesn't do any good. It's as if I eat a piece of chalk before I put anything into my mouth. Eating or drinking is just going to coat my mouth with more chalky feeling not clear it away. Also, when I don't sleep well - as in wake up every hour so I remember the dream I just finished- I have really weird dreams. Some of them are actually not good. But one I have had with this dry mouth thing is that my mouth is full of some sort of material that I have to pull out bit by bit. Like gum stuck to your teeth. But it is filling my whole mouth and I never get it all out. I am just pulling and pulling at it and it is stuck to all my teeth and everything. Ugh, yuck!

That is not the note I wanted to end on. But I really don't have much else to say. I have had some people do such nice things for me/us. Rachel Smith (neighbor friend) brought dinner over after watching our girls Thursday after school since I wasn't sure if I'd be home. She also dropped off some magazines and flowers yesterday just for a pick me up. The neighbor got mad at Jeff for not telling her that I had had another treatment. My visiting teachers have checked in on me everyday. When people ask what they can do, I just don't know what to tell them. Food doesn't taste/sound good to me. I am just tired, so rest is the only cure for that. Prayers are definitely at the top of the list. I know that those are working on my behalf. I know that without prayers and the wonderful thoughtful people in my life that I would just curl up on the floor and cry myself into misery each and every day of this experience.

Ready for Round 3

Yes, I think this time I am ready. I know what to expect. I am still a little nervous/scared that the side effects will be more like the first time, but hoping they will be like the 2nd time instead. This last week we have had two bouts of stomach flu. Not extreme, both times N just threw up once. A also had some diarrhea. I am not sure if I caught it from them or not. I had some diarrhea, but then that is a side effect of my chemo. I did have one day that I also felt ill, so I guess I picked it up, but got over it quickly.  Jeff has also had a cold and although I have had a few mornings with a sore throat, I haven't caught an actual cold or cough. Another answer to fervent prayers!!!

I spent the last couple days using my new sewing mavhine to make a comforter for N's bed. I finished it right before they got home from school today. That felt good to complete a project. Although I also wanted to clean at least my bathroom. Maybe I'll feel well enough to do that on Friday morning, or make the rest of the family clean on Saturday when I am feeling crummy.....  I think I'll try Friday at least my bathroom so it's done to my standards.

We went out to Buffalo Wild Wings tonight for dinner. Don't try the hamburger-there is a reason they specialize in chicken. I thought the "prime rib steak hamburger" would be good, but it was a pre-made burger with well done slices of beef on it. By the time that is done to well, it isn't prime rib anymore. It may have been prime rib before they heated it through for the burger, but then it tasted like re-heated meat. 😒It was ok,but nothing to go back for.

I still am not used to the shiny bald head. I got used to the stubble quickly, and didn't wear anything on my head around the house, so the family got used to it too. But my head is colder, so I am wearing hats more, so I don't see myself bald in the mirror as much. Oh, well, that too shall come. Stacy is coming with me again tomorrow. And Luci is going to drive me on Friday for my quick booster shot. I am so blessed to have so many willing people offer to help me. Rachel offered dinner and she is taking the girls after school until I get home. What sweet ladies!i also have more updates to put on "it's the little things" post of gifts and sweet things from other thoughtful friends. I hope I don't forget.

Well, I'm running out of room as this is an iPad post, so good night and see you on the flip side.

Bald is Beautiful - or that's what they say

Today it is finally all gone. Yesterday in the shower, I lost a lot of the fuzzies that have graced my head for the last 3 weeks. Today, I got out looking like an old man with hair around my ears and at the crown of my head with little bits scattered around my head. I used the electric razor to take it all off. When I came out to the living room, the girls said I looked like Grandpa. First, I look like Carter, now I look like my dad. Oh, well, I hope to look like myself again in a few months.

I have felt so much better this time than last time. I hope not to jinx myself, but I expect to feel more like this last time and not the tremendous horrid unable to function feeling I had the first time. I do expect it to get harder, but harder than this last time. After the 1st one, I was dreading the following infusions thinking it would get harder from that starting point.

I have come up with the pros of baldness. The cons being obvious - you look like the men in your family. If you are loosing your hair, then you constantly have the stubble itching you as it falls out (now, not a concern). You have to come up with ways to match your head covering to your clothing. Being colder than usual.
But the pros:
No hair to pick off your clothes.
No threat of loosing hair in the food you cook.
No shaving or plucking. (it's not just the hair on your head you loose) - the fact is, chemo attacks fast      growing cells. Hair follicles are fast growing, so it attacks and kills them, thus the hair loss. So, no      shaving, no nicks from razors, no itching when the hair grows back in!
Getting ready in the morning is much faster. Not only do I not have to wash my hair, I also don't have       to dry, prep and style it.
You don't have to explain to others that you have cancer and are going through treatment.
I have an advantage in a cat-fight or attack from somebody - they can't grab my hair!
If I felt so inclined, I would be able to have a different hair style everyday. The place that gives out        wigs and other head coverings to cancer patients has lots of different styles. I could go exchange        every week if I wanted.
Hair doesn't fall in my face when I am looking down at something.
Saving lots of money for not visiting the hair salon and buying hair products.
Complaining of being cold is accepted by others in the family, not met with unbelief.
I am sure I could come up with a really cool Halloween costume. I've been thinking of Charlie Brown      or the grandpa from "Meet the Robinson's" who draws a face on the back of his head and wears          his clothes backwards. But he may not be completely bald? I have to check that out. I need                  suggestions.

This last weekend was General Conference. It was such an uplifting, inspiring experience. I enjoyed being able to watch and listen to all the sessions. Mother and I went out and did some shopping Saturday evening. It was fun to get out and about after my week of staying in and not being able to take myself anywhere. Sunday morning, I was later than most others getting up in the morning. I learned that N had gotten up early and had not felt very well. She got her bowl and promptly threw up! She was told to stay downstairs and away from me all day. I felt so badly, not being able to sit with her and comfort her. It ended up not helping. I am sure that on Wednesday I had some of the same bug she did. I didn't throw up, but had other symptoms that felt different than my chemo symptoms. I had a headache that wouldn't go away most of the day. I just felt blah all day. I didn't get anything done, but just lazed all day and got better. At first I thought I wasn't feeling well because I did too much on Tuesday working in the garden. I clipped all the flowers down and dug some of them up to clean off the dirt from the roots. I did all three garden boxes and put yard stuff away in the shed. It felt so good being outside. I worked slowly, but I am sure I did too much. I was sore, but now I think part of that was soreness from being sick, not just muscle sore.

I felt much better on Thursday. Jeff also picked something up and has been coughing for the last few days. Every night when I am sleeping, I think of all the air I am sharing with him. I hope not to get the cough thing, too. If I do, I don't know if that affects the ability to stick to my chemo schedule. I hope not. Today is a no-school day. There is a rival football game tonight that Jeff wants to take the girls to. I think they will have fun once they get there. Amanda is just thinking it is watching a "boring football game", so she doesn't want to go. What do you do when you know your children will have fun, but they think it will be boring and don't want to go. Do you force them? Then they spend the whole time thinking of being forced to do something rather than having fun doing something different. I know Jeff wants to go and he wants to take them. I would go, so then it would be a family thing and no question as to whether they go or not. But I am not up to sitting in the cold night and being somewhere where I could pick up some kind of bug. We'll see---- I am finally getting the fact that my immune system is not what it should be. I am torn between going places like normal and staying at home just picking up what the family brings here. I know most chemo patients live normally, most even hardly missing work. My doctor told me that I shouldn't have to go around wearing a face mask or anything, unless they find my blood counts to be really low, which so far they have not been. But at the same time, I am happy staying at home and not going out much. I guess I am just a recluse at heart.

This week, I also found out that my sister is having a suspicious lump checked out in her breast. She said "It is right by my sternum". That is exactly where the lump is that caused me to go in for further screening. She has had an ultrasound and the diagnostic mammogram. They are recommending a core biopsy, just like the one I had. I sure hope the reports come back benign. She is highly stressed over this because of all the similarities of what I am going through. She has had, though, a couple other lumps checked out which turned out benign, so the chances are that this is the same thing!

Old Habits Die Hard

When I had lasik surgery 7 1/2 years ago, I thought I was done with glasses. Well, besides having to use reading glasses these days, I am. But the habits going with glasses didn't go away immediately. I still sometimes find myself reaching up to rub my eye, sliding my finger up as if to go under my glasses to do satisfy the itch. Well, today after my shower I went to the counter, reached for the brush and had it inches from my head to brush my hair. Funny thing is, I rarely brushed my hair. Maybe after drying and styling it, but it wasn't the first thing to do after a shower.

This time around has been SOOOOO much better. I need to re-read my post describing that week, but I remember telling Jeff on Saturday (9 days later) at about 2:00 "I feel like I just woke up". Thursday I came home from the infusion and felt a little tired from having just sat there for 5 hours. Stacy was so sweet to come get me and sit with me (in a hard chair) for most of that time. I made her leave when I took a nap. As soon as they hook up the Benedryl, I am out. She brought back some pumpkin steamed milk and some Noosa   We came home and my neighbor Winnie had offered dinner that night. She not only brought some yummy spaghetti, salad and bread, but a friend of hers had sent her a purse filled with goodies that she donates to breast cancer patients. It made it sink in a little more that I am one of "Those People". I slept well, and Friday was able to do normal stuff until about bedtime when I got really tired. I even rode my bike with the girls to school in the morning.

Friday night our dear friends the Olson's came from Snoqualmie, Shar had some P90X training on Saturday in Spokane so the whole family came (minus K who stayed home with crazy puppy-in-training). We made them stay with us, knowing that at my worst I would just hole up on the couch or bed, but the rest of the family would not bother me as I didn't feel sick last time, just energy-less. Saturday I got up with the familiar feeling of dizzy, disconnectedness. I was able to make pancake batter and then go rest, eat a couple pancakes, rest, sit in the living room, go rest, etc. It never really got worse than that. I didn't have the heavy, can't move my arms or get comfortable feeling like last time. I did stay away from everyone and they were mostly gone. Steve and Jeff took all the girls up to Green Bluff and went to some farms. The girls had two teams and filled 2 vases with flowers. I had to decide which team won. They got a box of apples, had doughnuts and had a great time. They spent the rest of the day just playing inside and out. It did get a little loud but I wasn't trying to sleep at all, if I had tried to sleep, they would have left and gone to do something else. Sunday morning, was just a crepe breakfast ala Steve before they left. They made dolce de leche and left the canned milk on the stove on low overnight. We are lucky it had to be in a large pot of water, or I hate to think what would have happened. Sunday, I stayed home from church of course, A did too as she "wasn't feeling well" and puttered around so much, Jeff and N finally left without her. The priest quorum was so nice to send some young men over to prepare and serve me the sacrament. We actually all partook as A was home and the other 2 missed because the were late having waited for her.

Monday and Tuesday I was feeling pretty good. I still had that dizzy feeling, but I was able to focus enough to read a little and even watch some TV. The time went by faster because of that. I did the laundry. I wasn't able to last time. That is not a big energy sucker as I just have to put a load in, change it, then take it out. I folded when I had the energy. The girls bring up their baskets and take their clothes anyway, so that was normal. I just took longer because I rested and did the loads when I felt like getting up. Tuesday I did towels and sheets like normal, same thing. Yesterday I had so much energy that I completely cleaned A's room. She must have picked up a spider or some bug from camp because she kept waking up with bites on her arms and legs. It could just be a spider having come in from outside. She slept in the guest bed for a couple nights while I quarantined her room. I brought up all the soft stuff in increments - from her room, to the dryer for 20 minutes to the guest room. I got it all finished yesterday, vacuumed her bed, floor, base boards and dusted, put everything back and it better be done! It felt so good to do that. Today, I am just a little unable to completely focus, enough that I decided not to drive to the Post Office. But my friend Luci drove me and we stopped at the store on the way home. Not only is it nice not to have lost 5 full days of living, but it was SOOOOO boring to not be able to do anything. I couldn't read, focus on TV, play games anything. I was completely unable to be satisfied with anything. Food didn't make me feel full - of course I couldn't eat much as everything tasted so dry and my mouth was dry anyway. This time, I still have a dryness to my mouth, but I can tolerate it or overlook it and eat. Things don't taste normal and some normally yummy things don't taste good. That is still going on but not to the degree it did last time. Water wasn't as disgusting this time, maybe a little for a couple days and not 5 like then.

What I did differently: (besides pray harder). I remembered the steroid Friday night which I forgot last time (took it Saturday morning), I automatically took Tylenol PM Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. I took a sleeping pill on Monday night. I was able to tolerate, so I drank more, water. I also had just started with the L-Glutamine mixed with lemon oil and vitamin D last time. This time, I have been taking it for 4 weeks, so hopefully that has helped. I also started Vitamin E and B-complex about 2 weeks ago. I think the build up of the supplements and the being able to sleep better has been a factor in the way I feel. When I met with Dr. Sri on Thursday morning, she asked was I wasn't looking forward to. I told her the complete fatigue and disconnectedness was what was actually scaring me. I did not want to experience that again. I also learned that I was not actually getting a lower dose of the Perjeta and Herceptin. But that it was just the timing that was shorter. It cut off 90 minutes of the total infusion time and I thought it was because it was a lower dose. They just give it to you slower on the first go around. My blood work looked great. I go in this Monday just for a blood work-up to make sure everything is bouncing back as it should. My face looks better than it has. It is slowly getting better. I am supposed to call her at the first sign of a flare-up. And I also had regular diarrhea last time. Nothing that concerned me as I know that is my body's way of flushing out the bad stuff. I wasn't dehydrated at all, and it wasn't constant. But I am supposed to call her if it is something that goes on for more than a couple days. Nothing to report as of yet.....

Am I Ready for Round 2?

I don't know.... But I am thinking "this time next week, I'll be on my way out of the slumps". Tomorrow doesn't scare me, it's the few days after that do. Not really scare, but I am not looking forward to the next week. What I remember most is that I cannot tolerate water, but I have to drink it. One thing that made it unbearable was having to mix the L-Glutamine in water. It is supposed to be tasteless, but it combined with the already hard to tolerate water, made me want to gag every time I drank any water. But I have now combined that with juice and it was better. Don't know if I can tolerate juice, but I hope so. I also know that I was extremely fatigued. Not sleepy tired, but out-of-body not able to move type tired. I know that it gets better as the days go on. Last time, it felt like it would never end as each day got a little better, but not much. I know to move around as much as I can. It took me mental exertion to get myself up and off whatever I was glued to, but once I did I could move without much problem. I just got so bored doing whatever I was doing. I couldn't focus on anything and the days just dragged on and on. I have found some shows to watch that may help the time go by quicker. I also couldn't sleep, so the thought of going to bed at night was what scared me the most. I knew I would have weird dreams and not sleep, so I just didn't want to face that. The doctor told me I could take Tylenol PM and she gave me a prescription for something if that doesn't work. I also hope I have the diarrhea problem understood and will do the right things this time so it doesn't drag on as long as it did.

So, It sounds like I am all ready for this next round. Maybe I am, we shall see. I have had almost 2 weeks of normal everyday living and enjoyment. Even my tastebuds have bounced back to where I can enjoy most of the food I eat. Luckily, chocolate doesn't do anything for me, even now. I want it to taste good when I make my Christmas candy, but other than that, it just isn't appetizing to think of eating any type of goody. I have stocked up on yogurt (Thanks Stacy for introducing me to Noosa, I am addicted and I hope it tastes good next week as it's a great grab and open food). That's what I found was easiest, which I didn't have much of. Open the fridge and grab something that is already to eat. Maybe heat up was the most I could do. Good thing goodies didn't sound good or taste right as I would have eaten my way through all the candy and cookies in the house. I am getting some soups today and will have some fruit on hand. I did find out that raw fruits and veggies were the biggest contributing factor to the diarrhea problem. So I am cooking everything I eat. I am also glad it's fall so soups will be more appropriate to have and I'm not heating stuff in 90 degree weather.

Well, off to get the supplies that I still am lacking and other errands. Don't know when I'll be able to write again, but at least we are over all the "firsts"! This time tomorrow, I'll be able to say I am 1/3 of the way done!

Hair Today....Gone Tomorrow

Monday, I had my follow-up with Dr. Sri. My blood work looks great. I don't know how long it takes for blood to change, but it would have been nice to have a test sometime in the week following my treatment day. When I was feeling the less energy and heavy weight feeling. Just to know what was lacking if anything. I don't know what they test for, but I am sure red and white blood cells is part of that test. The doctor was surprised at the condition of my face. It had gotten much worse on Sunday. I didn't know what to do for it. I didn't want to put oily or alcohol based products on it, so I just didn't do anything. That was probably the first mistake. It was so sore and itchy and dry. The nurse did say that a face rash is normal - this one is BAD. My whole forehead and about an inch or more on each side of my nose and my whole chin was bright red - almost purple. Anyway, she put me on an antibiotic (thankfully the insurance paid for it as it is over $200). By now (Friday), the intensity of the redness has gone down a lot. Instead of one big patch of redness, each individual "pimple" is just red. They aren't really pimples - they are mostly red bumps, but I don't know what else to call them. They aren't as itchy. I have tried cortisone cream a couple times. I am washing with Neutragena and using lotion frequently, so it isn't getting as dry. I am not looking forward to this happening every time and going on for so long. For now, it looks like I'll have a week of uselessness, a week of looking weird and a week of maybe normalness?
Well, one other milestone has come and I am over it. The one thing I really wasn't looking forward to was dealing with not having hair. Tuesday I still had hoped that my hair might stay. Jeff had a couple clients come in who either themselves or someone they were close to didn't loose their hair. He made sure that they went through chemo. A lot of people say "I had breast cancer and I didn't loose my hair" when their treatment was actually radiation only and did not include chemo. But, no, these people did have it and didn't loose their hair. That evening, I would scratch my head and a clump would come out. Wednesday when I was putting stuff in my hair after my shower, a lot more hair came loose and a couple big clumps even came out. "Well, maybe it will just thin and not all fall out" I thought. No! When I got back from taking the girls to school (A had her luggage for 6th grade camp), I stood outside and ran my fingers through my hair. Every time, I had tons and tons come out.
My good friend Stacy came over that morning and we had a fun day laughing and reminiscing and she went through some of my blog which she hadn't gotten to very much. She brought her food processor because she didn't know if I had one. She made avocado chocolate pudding. Avocado, maple syrup, vanilla and cocoa and banana. The same texture and close to taste of pudding! She also brought something that I am going to buy by the case for my next 'blech' week. It is called Noosa. It is a flavored yogurt. She brought pumpkin and I LOVE IT!!! (it is made with whole milk, so that is one thing about it that helps make it super yummy).
We finally said "OK, let's do this". She had brought her razor set and we went on the back porch and got to it. It was a cool day, but sunny and that felt good to sit in the warmish sun. She took lots of before, during and after pictures. I really, really had fun with the whole process, I just wished that my face didn't look so bad in all the pictures as that is all I can notice. I should have put some makeup on to have the focus be on my head and not my face. I had her give me a mohawk first, and sent that to Tori. She put it up on facebook. I told her she wasn't the only Howell to be able to sport a mohawk.

Now I just need to put one up side-by-side of me and Carter with buzzed heads. It is really something I never would have known, that we have the same hairline and highlights. With all the fun we had, I have been able to face this obstacle with a fun approach rather than with a scared or worried attitude. If she hadn't of come, I probably would have just done it myself, but that would have been a completely different feeling with the whole thing.

(wish I could have gotten those two pictures closer together....)
My visiting teachers came over this morning and we had a lot of fun and laughs. They have been so good and I know that I can call them for anything. We talked about what I need, what will help me through my yuck week. Luci gave me a list of 'gooey' food. I told her that was what I most was able to handle eating. She is going to make me some custard, a recipe her mother always made. Lavena gave me some lavender flavored lotion, so that will help with my sleeplessness and dry skin. They just went out, got, and dropped off some scarves! What wonderful ladies. We talked about how I tried on the different hats that I have and that I figured that I need scarves to wear turban style. That is what I found looks best. The wig I got from Joanne is uncannily like my "old" hair. Lots of people thought that the pictures I sent them, the bald head is the after pic when in fact the bald is before and the wig is the after. I will try to get those pictures on here. My presidency and Amanda all asked me if I had gotten a haircut or highlights. (I went up to Amanda's camp yesterday to help out and to see her since I wasn't able to chaperon the whole thing.)

Before

After, after

After

This has taken me a long time to figure all this out with the pictures. They were on 3 different devices, and I just might now finally know how to transfer them, download them and share. I just wish I had a good editing program that I don't have to go onto my old, old, old computer to use. I would like to maybe touch-up, but it would be fun to crop, and maybe have made those two pictures of me and Carter into one double picture like what Tori did with the two of our pictures. I know it must be simple, but I need direction for those types of things.

What a Difference a Day Makes - or 2 - or 5

Well, I actually feel like a normal person today..... Almost. I am still lightheaded, or dizzy or rummy or whatever you use to describe what my head feels like. At least I am not feeling that out of body-ness.  My bones are starting to feel attached to my muscular system and I can almost tolerate food again. I think I may have lost 5 pounds. But it is the feeling of post-stomach flu feel - like you don't feel successful in loosing weight, just empty and wanting to get energy back. I am writing this to not discourage anyone, just to get it down on paper and be able to remember it later. One way I was feeling at the beginning of the week, someone said that it sounded like I was depressed. I wouldn't say I was depressed (do people who are depressed feel like they are depressed or that is their normal way of feeling?) Honest question, not meant to judge, just understand. I didn't feel depressed, just unmotivated, and uncaring. I just couldn't get myself to move. I was groggy and dizzy, so even though moving wasn't taxing, I just didn't want to because it made me feel off.

I would be able to get up and get a few things done. I could make a meal for myself, just didn't feel like eating it, but I had to eat or I'd get sick. Monday and Tuesday, I was pretty much out of it. I was able to say goodbye to the girls in the morning, then spent most of the day on the couch or in bed. I can't even read cause I can't focus my mind. Watching TV didn't give much enjoyment. I did start with watching "The Hobbit", but that was too emotional and depressing. Someone suggested comedy, so I started on MASH and with over 400 episodes, I hope that will carry me through the next few months.Wednesday I could get up and make breakfast (cereal) and lunches for the girls. Thursday a little more and Friday was even better. I cleaned the kitchen, walked to school (the girls are riding bikes, so I didn't keep up with them, but I did the mile round trip). I even showered the majority of days this week!!! I ended up not going to a lunch activity because of the fact that I had heard some people had colds and I wasn't sure with my low energy, etc if my blood counts are low.

Today, we got up and had a cleaning day. I cleaned the bathroom and dusted the upstairs. Then coordinated the girls getting their cleaning done. We sorted out some stuff in the play room and I made, ate and somewhat enjoyed lunch. I even made dinner yesterday which was a type of taco soup - so in the crock pot and cooked all day.  I need crock pot ideas. I haven't had success with some crock pot recipes because if it calls for little or no liquid, the chicken seems to turn out dry to us. And one thing that I am having to have is moist food.

My face is really bad. I guess I would choose face sores over mouth sores, but I look like I've just gotten a bad case of chicken pox or that I am a teenager with no clue on how to clean my face. I just threw away all my make up since I heard that I want to keep things as clean as possible - and with most of my makeup several years old, I thought it was time to pitch it. (one blush I have is from college)What I use frequently is not that old - but I hang on to things "just in case". I'll be set for Halloween, just be Igor or someone with a scarred up face. I have a little neuropathy, more of that feeling of things not being connected. My bones don't ache any more, that lasted for a couple of days. Lead weight feeling was a few days. My mouth is super dry - thus the need for moist food. One thing that sounded really good was a steak salad from Costa Vida (Cafe Rio style). The first bite was super spicy. Now, I am already a spice-wimp, but this burned my mouth. The next night we had something that was a little spicy - I guess my dry mouth is also a sign that my taste-buds are super sensitive. I am also having bouts of diarrhea. The first couple days was some constipation, but since Monday, it's been the other. I can control it with Imodium, but it isn't taking it away. My thought when it comes to illness - just a regular illness like the stomach flu, I feel like my body is getting rid of something so if it just stays around for a day I don't like to medicate it. Unless of course there is the risk of dehydration or something like that. Well, not so with this. I don't know if it would be the same without the medication, but I am happy for it. I'm pretty sure I am not getting dehydrated, because it isn't going on all day, just now and then. And I am keeping fluids down and my pee isn't really super yellow.

I need to go down the list of side effects and check to see how many I have. I don't know what else there is, but I am feel bombarded with them! I called the nurse on Thursday because I was worried about the side effects still being so bad. I expected to have them, just that they would start to ease off a little after a week. She went through all I had and I felt better going over those with her. I have heard that one establishes a pattern, and I sure hope that I haven't. I don't really want to be out of the loop for a whole week. I am hopeful that because 2 of the drugs I got a larger dose it being the first infusion, so hopefully it won't be as harsh next time. I hate to think that that stuff is still floating around inside me - unless of course it is doing its stuff and knocking out those nasty cells.

But, today is a new day - tomorrow will be another one! Onward and upward!

To Be Human Again

I have something that is called an Earworm - it is when you have music going through your head and you can't get it out. It happens constantly. At Christmas time, I always wake up with a carol going through my mind, it could be halfway through the song - it is just like I opened the door in the middle of a concert or someone playing something. Tonight, it was this song from Beauty and the Beast - how appropriate. I feel almost human again today. Problem with it is, that I am sleeping so poorly, I wake constantly (like every 45 minutes) with a song in my head, and I can't get back to sleep because of the song playing itself out. At least last night, I was able to get right back to sleep without much trouble.

It is not quite 7:00 and the first day of school for A and N. They are excited. A not so much as she really, really wants to homeschool. That is definitely in our future, just not this year.....

I am hoping that in 2 hours, I will feel well enough to take them to school. We live just half a mile from there, and I walk or ride bikes with them. I don't think I will be up for that. There is a parent assembly, but I double checked with my friend who is on the PTO, if it was important information or a kind of pep rally, and I think it is more the latter. So I am not stressing myself out to get there for that. As long as I remember to take first day pictures, I will call it a successful day.

I am so tired of being in a reclining position. I have either been in bed or on the couch for 4 days. Yesterday, Jeff and I took a 'turn' about the neighborhood and it felt good to get outside. I can walk, it's just that I am unsteady and I get tired easily. I guess today, I'll just make sure to walk around the whole house once every hour or so. Things aren't tasting good still. I seem to have a really dry mouth, so that is affecting flavors. Jeff made home made tortillas last night for tacos, and they were good, just seemed dry to me. I ended up eating a bowl of cereal. This morning, I have already had 2 bowls of applesauce. The wetter, the better! I am also sensitive to smells. Saturday morning, bacon was on the menu and the only bacon to be had was a maple flavor. The smell is lingering and every time I open the door, I can smell it. It is a sickly sweet - now old sickly sweet- smell. Ugh! I have tried neutralizing the air and even opened all the windows even though it is only barely 70 outside. I hope today it will be a little warmer so I can bundle up and open the windows.

So, my schedule so far. On infusion day, I seem to do well, come home and rest a little. Slept well the first night. The next day, morning seemed normal, but by afternoon (after the neulasta shot), I hit the wall. That night was not good, next day feel like lead weights are hanging from me - or that I am made completely of lead. Eat ok, but can't get comfortable. I don't know if that's because I am body tired, or my body is tired of not moving. No sleep really that 3rd night. The next day (Sunday) I feel a little better, can get up and moving a little, nothing tastes good still, and my only relief is ice chips - kind of feels like I'm cooling down a burned tongue - the tongue doesn't feel hot, just that I've lost all taste-bud function. Sleep better the 4th night and the next day feel a little better. Need to get moving more that day and keep wet food and liquids on hand. I even had a cup of hot chocolate with Mother before they headed back home. Funny thing with the dry mouth, popcorn tasted pretty good to me. Maybe I need some salt as all the liquids are flushing everything out. My digestion seems to be ok - manageable. Every time I woke up the last few nights, I feel more tired or body sore than when I went to sleep.

Well, I am over doing my energy level. I tried to do my back exercises, and got a little bit along on those. Another funny thing, like with the exercises, I feel out of body - like I am doing the exercises, but there is nothing there responding to them. The muscles don't feel like they are there, just an empty body. It has been hard to type, text and do the ipad for that same reason. My fingers are there, they just feel like they are not a part from my body or not attached in any way. Makes for slow response.

To Feel or Not to Feel

It is Saturday, two days after my first infusion. Thursday night was pretty good. I was able to stay awake until a regular bedtime and have a good nights sleep. Friday, I got up and went for a walk with my mom and dad. Not too far, but it was nice to get out in the cold air. My ears got really cold- it was 46 degrees!  I had a pretty good morning, doing not a lot, but making myself some breakfast and getting showered. I had to go back for a neulasta shot- white blood count booster. When I got home, I was wiped out. I took a long nap and then just lazed for the rest of the evening. I went to bed a little early, and tossed and turned from about 1:00 on. I just got out of bed at noon. I feel like my arms are made of lead weights and I just can't get moving. I did forget to take my 2nd steroid pill last night (supposed to take 1 twice a day the day before and the day after infusion day. I took that this morning. I have also downed some Claritin (good for achy bones after the neulasta, anti-constipation pill and anti-nausea). I'm becoming a walking medicine cupboard. I am up, but not doing much. But I feel a little better than a couple hours ago.

One Down, 5 to Go or There's No Place Like Home

Found out the brain MRI came back clear!!!! The cancer is in the right breast, and two lymph nodes with a small questionable spot in the left breast.

Well, it is over. I now know what to expect at least as far as the actual treatment day. We left at 8:05 this morning and got home at 5:15. I had a blood draw, then met with Dr. Sri for a nice visit. Jeff was able to come in and at least meet her. She explained all that will happen and why. I then was sent back to the chemo room and chose where I wanted to be. About half the chairs were filled up. Today was so long because a couple of the drugs have to be given in a higher dose the first time. There is also a couple that will be given together next time that they do separately to make sure I don't have any reaction to it. Next time it should be about a 4 hour stint, after they get me hooked up. That doesn't include the blood draw and any visit with the doctor.

Mother came with me and we chatted for a while, played iPad games and snacked. Joanne came up and we had a nice visit with her. As soon as they put the bag of Benadryl on, I immediately felt tired. I don't know what it is for, but it is one of the preventive meds. So I took a little nap (I was aware of what was happening, but rested a little. Mother and Joanne went out to a nice lobby the building has. The visitors chairs in the chemo room aren't comfy for long periods of sitting. The lady next to me and her daughter were playing a card game, so when we were getting all unhooked, they taught it to us. Looks like a nice fast game.

Besides feeling tired right now, I am doing pretty well. Dr. Sri, told me to go ahead and take the anti-nausea med on a schedule for the first few days rather than wait to feel nauseous. All I've read about it, I hear the best thing is to pop it right when you feel any kind of nausea and to not tough it out. I have been doing liquids all day, so that will help a lot. I did start with L-glutamine yesterday. That's supposed to help with neuropathy and mouth sores.

I'm off to get some rest and a snack, not particularly in that order.

Sleepless in Spokane

This is somewhat normal for me. A few nights every month, I have a tendency to wake up after midnight to use the ladies room and not be able to go back to sleep for a couple hours. Tonight, it may have something to do with all that will be happening tomorrow. I also had a thought that I told someone I would schedule the church building for our RS activity coming up in a couple of weeks as she wasn't able to do it and it is an online thing, not a call the building scheduler person. I checked and it was totally easy-peasy! (rice and cheesy).

So, being on here, I thought I'd just check in one last time. My parents showed up around dinner time last night and we had a WONDERFUL steak dinner. When we were waiting for it all to finish cooking, there was a knock at the door. One sister from the ward (the compassionate service lady), showed up with a loaf of fresh bread. It would have been delivered warm if I had been home earlier in the day when she dropped by the first time. YUM! Good thing, as that was one thing I didn't get while out on Monday. I sat down and 5 minutes later my neighbor knocked on the door with some delicious chocolate/fruit cups! Dark chocolate cups with berries and chocolate mousse! YUM! again.

People have been so nice, wonderful and thoughtful. I am sure learning how easy it is to do something that has a large impact. I am so overwhelmed with all the thoughtful things people do. My mother and dad showed up and gave me a fall quilt to use to keep warm in the chemo room - it is cold in there! Of course Jeff and the girls are so thoughtful. They step right in when there is any kind of need. Jeff came home today and said there are lots of people from work - the front office gals to his clients who are praying for me. That has been the constant offer from family, friends and even strangers - "I will keep you in my prayers". I know that is the one thing that is keeping me calm and sane. There is no way at all that my personality would have me naturally be this way. I would maybe at the most look it on the outside, but on the inside, I would be all churning and worried, and I wouldn't be sleeping being kept up with a wandering mind of all the possible things that could go wrong.

THANK YOU!
Well, it's been 1 1/2 hours, so I have a chance to get to sleep again soon! God natt.

When it's time to Change, You've got to Rearrange.....

I originally titled this "a New Chapter", but this evening I couldn't get this song out of my head. Any guesses on where the song comes from?

Well, today marks the last day of my 'normal' life. Even after chemo is done and all the other stuff following and recovery, etc - my life will be a new 'normal'. I feel like a soon-to-be mother with a scheduled C-section with her first child. I know it is coming, I have been preparing for it, but tomorrow will begin a whole new experience for me I can only prepare for in theory - it's another thing dealing with reality.

I don't really know what to discuss. I had heard from a neighbor about a friend of hers who did something that helped her keep her hair even during chemo. I looked it up and there are some developments in that area for chemo patients. Apparently if you can cool the head down during the whole time of receiving the treatments, then most of the patients were able to keep their hair. Some lost up to 50% of their hair, but most kept all or most of it. Well, the treatments involve renting (for lots of $$) some caps that have to be kept at -22 F which involves either a special sub-zero freezer or dry ice and when changing the caps, you have to be fast about it as you don't want the scalp to warm up, and you have to change them every half hour. The other solution is still being developed (in Sweden !yea!) but isn't widely available here yet. It involves wearing a cap that has tubes of coldness running throughout the cap to keep the scalp at a very low temperature. The idea is that if the blood vessels are kept cool, they won't have as much blood flow, so they won't have as much of the drugs going through that part of the body, so it keeps the drugs from reaching the hair follicles, thus damaging them and making the hair fall out. Well, I am not up for either of those options. 1) I don't have the money to rent these things, and 2) the other ones aren't offered in my area. I don't know if I would be able to handle 4 hours of having my head frozen. It would maybe be worth it if I could keep my hair. - Oh Well.

I am hoping to keep up with this to write down how I feel every day and what side effects I may be experiencing.
Today, I finally got around to starting some supplements, which I have read or heard I should stop the day before treatment. (oops) I got my prescriptions yesterday, one for the day before and day after, the others were two different kinds of anti-nausea. I started with some vitamin-D, L-glutamine and vitamin-E.  Mostly all of them are for neuropathy, the vitamin D also for energy and 'chemo brain'.

Tonight I am requesting a dinner of steak, baked potatoes, and big green salad. I hear that my taste buds may not be up to par for the next little while, so I want to get a great meal in before that happens. I remember the last two pregnancies where everything tasted like sawdust - not fun! and I had to keep eating to not be sick. I got really tired of eating or coming up with things to eat. One nice thing on the nausea side; the nurse who lead my class did say that it is possible that my susceptibility to nausea during chemo may be similar to any morning sickness I may have experienced - in my case NONE! (sorry Tori) I don't expect to not be nauseous, but if it is similar to the way I controlled it then, I can do that. Lots of what ifs at this point which will be answered in the next few days!

Here's to change!
PS. It's the song the Brady Bunch sing in the episode they are recording a song and Peter's voice changes, so they come up with this one about change.

...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. -Psalms 30:5

Friday night I wasn't feeling very well with an annoying headache and my shoulder was very painful. (Not from the port itself, but from being overly careful with it because of the surgery). I took some medication and it seemed to subside enough to sit up with the family before bedtime. I went to bed a little earlier than everyone else. When Jeff came to bed I was just waking up and realized the headache wasn't gone. It got SO much worse in the next few minutes. I have had this about 2 or 3 other times before. It was excruciating! I am so sorry for anyone who suffers from regular migraines. I do get bad headaches every once in a while -maybe once a month at the most, but this is nothing like it. I wanted my head chopped off. I just couldn't get comfortable. Jeff called my sister-in-law, Suzy, who is a pharmacist to make sure what dose of meds I could safely take. The pain went on for about an hour or more. Poor Jeff wasn't sure what to do for me. He did give me a blessing, got me ice, rubbed my back and held my hand. When it got a little better, I tried to go back to bed, but it started back when I lay flat. Finally it did go down enough I was able to go to sleep.

Joy actually did come in the morning! I felt better-just a little lingering thought of some pain, but by noon, that was gone so I was able to help with the family house cleaning and have a regular day. I was thinking on this this morning that it is kind of a reminder to me that "this too shall pass". My coming treatment might be horrible, but it will end. If I do all I can to fight what is happening in my body, in the end I will feel better, be better and much stronger.

On the Homefront.... This morning we have rain! The air is clean and hopefully this is happening all around the region to stop the wildfires. It looked like it was raining west and east of us yesterday, so this is great news. Our fasting and prayers have been answered.

On a Clear Day

We have skipped town. Saturday, I realized that I had appointments Monday and Tuesday and nothing for the rest of the week. Unless of course they wanted to actually start the chemo. Tuesday morning I got a call from Dr. Sri and she said that my CT and bone came back completely clean!!! I was of course excited to hear that, but didn't do a dance or anything. When I told both Jeff and my mom, they heaved a huge sigh of relief! I guess I have just turned off all types of emotional dials- not only am I not overly worried and anxious about what bad can happen, I am also not overly demonstrative about the good that is happening. I am happy as can be inside and relieved with the news. Haven't heard about the brain MRI.

Monday was the bone scan and I had to go in at 9:00 to get the dye injection. When I mentioned to the technician about "my children" he got a worried look and said "If it were me, I wouldn't snuggle with them tonight for a movie night".  The injection was a radioactive dye and made me a walking hazardous material specimen. I said something to A and she kept a 6 foot radius away from me all day. We went to the mall while I waited for the dye to soak into all my bones. We got some school shopping done and A got her haircut. The scan wasn't too bad, just flat in a table and a large screen came down to within an inch of my face, then slowly moved down from head to toe. It took 20 minutes for it to complete the process. We had Taco Bell.....again for lunch.

Tuesday, I had to go into the hospital again for the brain MRI. That was horrible! The breast MRI was nothing to this. For that, I was wheeled in face down, feet first and got headphones with music that somewhat blocked out the noise of the machine. For the head, I was put in a 'Man in The Iron Mask' type thing -the head put in something on the table and the mask put over my face. I was given ear plugs, but they did nothing. I was wheeled in head first so I was completely in the tube. The noise was so loud. Clicks and beeps and buzzes for 30 minutes straight. As soon as that was over, we headed out of town.

My mom drove first, then I took over the the last half of the drive. Of course as soon as I started driving, I get some phone calls I'd been expecting. First one was from the oncology scheduler asking if I could come in this Thursday (now yesterday) for my appointment with Dr. Sri to go over treatment schedule and then to start chemo. Since I had gone out of town, that is now scheduled for Thursday morning this next week.

The last week and a half, except for one day, we have been down wind from all the wildfires in Central Washington. Some of the days have been so bad that we have been warned not to go outside for extended amounts of time. The quality air number being over 150. 150-200 is the highest rating. It was nice to drive over the Pass and get into clear skies and clean air. We got our lungs cleared out and came home today - Friday. It was good to visit with some good friends and family. I got to celebrate Becky's birthday with her a few days late. We got our new car and drove that home. The girls love that it has a dvd player, roll down back windows and back air control. I need to plot out my next few days so I can get a handle on the house, make sure I have all my supplies that I want/need and gear up for my first round in 6 days! YIKES!!!! I am ready to start with the thought that it puts me that much closer to the end of all this. I feel like I have been preparing for all this for about 5 years - it hasn't even been 2 months.

SCANning the horizon

At first I started this whole 'journey' with the attitude of  "There is no rush as there won't be anything to find, and it will be over quickly". Then one day in speaking with one of the many people working on my case (ie: doctor, scheduler or nurse), I got the frantic attitude of "Wow, things are serious and moving along and need to get done." After Dr. Moline told my mom that this is an emotional emergency vs. a medical emergency, I have been able to adjust my attitude to "OK, I want to get things done, but I am not going to put my life on hold." 

I do have the luxury of not being on a schedule set by outside influences. We have had a pretty unscheduled summer - we have gone back to Snoqualmie a few times for some fun stuff that happened back there. Jeff has been busy with work, but we have taken some time for family things. I won't say it's been a boring summer, but it has definitely not been full of going from this activity to that all summer long.

My dad was going to come here today to bring our car and then take Mother home depending on what my treatment schedule was looking like. I kind of got frustrated last week that I have not been told when my treatments will start. I need to know things. At one point I was told they might start as early as the day after the port was put in. But then we have to take into account insurance authorizing each little step along the way. It took a while for the doctors to fight to get the PET-PEM scan, but that was not successful. So the next step was to authorize 3 other scans and then schedule them. I had the body CT scan on Friday. They were able to use the port for the IV injection. That was interesting. There is some numbing cream that I need to put on the area of skin on top of the port. By the time I get to the office, it will be nice and numb. The nurse will then be able to insert the needle of the IV hook-up right into the port which is under the skin. 

Yesterday, I was realizing that with what the doctor said about timing and that I have my other 2 scans scheduled for Monday (bone scan) and Tuesday (Brain MRI), I kind of am in charge of the rest of my week. So the girls and I are going to Snoqualmie with Mother Tuesday-the weekend. My reasoning is that the doctor has to read all the scans when they are in which won't be until Tuesday afternoon at the earliest. So then I have to make an appointment with her to plan out my treatment schedule, I probably won't hear from them until Wednesday at the earliest to schedule that appointment. By that time, I will be able to tell them I am available anytime the following week for that and for starting chemo. 

I am still feeling pretty good. Getting this port put in has been a big step in the progress towards the goal to get chemo started. It makes it all a little more real. At the CT scan the other day, I went in to the office just off the waiting room. In there are a bunch of hats, scarves, wigs, brochures and cookbooks and the like that are available free of charge to anyone who needs them. I found a few hats. I may go back in for a different style hair wig - I think Joanne's is just the same color as what I have and very similar cut to what I normally do. We shall see what I come up with feeling comfortable doing. There are tons of resources for patients such as myself. I took a couple days recovering from the port surgery. I keep getting the feeling of heartburn in my shoulder. It is just a pain, not really shoulder-bone pain, but just a pain. It does feel better, the 'wounds' healing up nicely. Other than that I am sleeping well, feeling well and feel like I have a pretty good out-look about the whole thing. I am going to up date my post about "The Little Things" with gifts and things I am getting - so I have them all in one place. 

imPORTant things

I just couldn't stay up last night any longer. There were a few things I wanted to add about yesterday. I was actually home quite early as the surgery was at 8:45. Mother and I came home. Daddy had left to go back home and his responsibilities there. He drove his "new" (Jeff's old) car. He is taking that to Becky's and switching with our new car - it isn't legally ours as we are waiting for a check from the bank for that. He will drive that here when he comes to get Mother.

I feel like them coming here was a waste of time - in some ways - but was good in others. Yes, I needed someone to be with me on my surgery day, but I am not really that limited, and what I am limited in doing can be put off for a couple days until I or Jeff can get to them. The girls are being helpful. If I had known what this week would have been like I would have told them to stay home now and come later - if it was a choice between this week and my first week of chemo for sure. It has been nice to have them - always is. And it was good for Mother to be at that class with me and also to meet Dr. Moline and hear what she had to say. But it looks like she will be staying through my chemo time -----whenever that ends up being......

Dr. Moline came in after surgery to let me know how things went. She said "I didn't know you are LDS." Turns out she is - and when she said that I seem to remember someone telling me they thought she was. Everything went well with the surgery except that they had to put it on the right side instead of the left. I guess I wrote that last night. I was sent home after I could eat something and get up without being lightheaded.

Dr. Moline told my mom as she was going out into the waiting room and they were wheeling me away from prep something that is enlightening. She said "Remember, this cancer has been growing for a long time. This is not a medical emergency - we can start things now or in two weeks, it won't make much difference. This IS a mental emergency. Waiting is not fun."

We spent the rest of the day just resting. When D left (about an hour before we got home), the girls went over to the neighbor's. Lavena also picked A and her friend A (the neighbor girl) up to take them to the Activity Day activity. We were sitting here reading, etc. after I texted Rachel that we were home, when there was a knock at the door. Here was N with a huge bouquet of flowers and Rachel bringing a dinner to put in the freezer. She knew we had dinner being brought by someone else, but she brought that to use when we need something last minute. She took N back and had A stay there too when they got back from the activity. I took a nap, and just wandered around or sat pretty much all day. I did have a lot of texts from people checking in on me. The girls all came over a little before Jeff got home and Rachel's girls wished me well and then went home after we chatted for a few minutes.

I went to the front door for something and noticed a box on the porch. It must have come before we got home. It was a box of sunshine from Suzy and family. It was full of all yellow things ("Not Pink") to brighten my day. Yellow scrubby, fingernail polish, gum, potato chips, socks (smiley face), lemon heads, sanitizer, sticky notes. It was a fun box overflowing with sunshine!

Then later in the day, Lavena and Luci brought us dinner. That was so nice and tasted so good! The girls helped clean up and we just ended up reading or I wrote here and did other correspondence. It was good to go to bed. My neck hurts when I am fully reclined, so that isn't the most comfortable position, but when I slept I slept well.

I am scheduled tomorrow for a CT scan, and on Monday for a full body bone scan. It was a little disconcerting to call the place for the CT scan and be greeted with "Nuclear Medicine office, may I help you?" I kind of like this 'take one day at a time' principle. I can't worry, change or get away from what is coming. But I can focus my energy on what I have right in front of me at this time and get through it. Then I am through it and I can put it behind me- then onto the next. It has helped me not get all worked up about what is out of my control. After I decided to do this, I read a book that Amanda got from the library. It is called "A Long Walk to Water". Very good about dealing with this day. Also based on a real person's experience.

Listing to Port

The Title is courtesy of Jeff.
FINALLY, something was actually accomplished today. If it weren't for all the cancer and bad stuff in me and the icky stuff they will be putting in me to get rid of the bad stuff I am actually enjoying this journey. There are so many angels in my path and they are all fun to talk to and get to know. My mom said if she has to have any other surgery she will come here just to be able to use the same anesthesiologist I had today. He was jovial and thorough. I had heard long ago that one should let an anesthesiologist know if you don't ever drink coffee or have caffeine. He said it wasn't a necessary bit of information. They base the strength and dosage on other factors, then fine tune it for each specific person. The nurse, Shera, was fun to talk with and explained everything really well. They don't just start poking you and doing things around you without letting you know why and what is happening. One test I had to do only because I am between the ages of 11-54 and female is a pregnancy test. I am NOT pregnant (phew)  not that I had even remotely thought that I might be.....

Dr. Moline came in to speak with me before the surgery. I had a list of questions, and she answered those first.
*Why was my pathology report saying it was "in situ" (which I thought meant contained) but also invasive? And that report said the cancer was stage I.
----The invasive was a later diagnosis based on the size of the tumor and the MRI results. I am considered Stage III - the benchmarks for that are: tumor size (5cm+); node status (infected); age/health (young/good); hormone receptors (triple +). Those have all been found out with tests along the way. 
*How do I care for the surgery site? Can I sleep on my side, swim, shower, etc without worry?
----The port is actually under the skin. It is accessed by a needle poke into the skin then into the surface of the port. 
*How come they aren't taking the nodes out - not to biopsy by because they are cancerous?
----The chemo is set to zap all the bad stuff. After that, we hope to have gotten everything, if not - on to the next step.
*Do cancer cells tend to target weaker spots in the body (ie: injuries, weak spots)?
----Cancer does what it wants, but sometimes might invade arthritis and weak bones specifically. That's why there is such a push to strengthen bones as much as possible. 

She then went on to tell me what she needed to discuss. Some of it was what she told me and Jeff over the phone Monday morning. It was nice to have that repeated and she does express herself with her hands, so that added nice emphasis. The MRI showed a small (not-to-be-concerned-about-but-watch) spot on the left breast that in and of itself they would keep an eye on over the course of time. Do they want to do something with that? Probably not. They hope it will be taken care of with the other treatments. If not, then we will take care of it later. She said "You probably won't have much faith in mammograms after going through what you are". Well, yes and no. My mother found hers with a mammogram and I know of others who have. I would NEVER advise anyone to miss a mammogram. In fact- GET ONE NOW! But add to that self-exams and don't let any questionable thing go un-reported. Mine was not found with a mammogram, and it never did show up on one even when they had something to look for - but that does not mean they aren't effective. - off of soapbox.

The doctor is not impressed with the waiting game that insurance makes you play. Also, that the doctors really, really want to use this PET-PEM scan as it is more effective and precise in it's reading. However, my - and lots of other- insurances don't cover it. So that is not going to happen. I am, instead, doing the next best things which are a CT scan and a full body bone scan. The bone scan is scheduled for Monday.

She marked me up for putting in the port. Because all of the cancer stuff is on the right side, they intended to put the port on the left side to keep it out of the way. However, the main artery in the neck is on the right - the left artery being smaller and joins the other one under the clavicle. My left vein (not unusually) is small, just barely twice the size as the port tube, so they had to put it on the right side to get it into a significantly larger vein. It had to be put up closer to the collar bone than they would have because of all the other stuff happening in the right breast. I will have this port in for about a year - since I will be receiving some kind of IV frequently for that length of time. (chemo and then Herceptin after that). The port is interesting - you can click here to see how it works and what it looks like. Nothing will show from the outside. Right now, I have two incision sites which when those heal, I won't need bandages or anything. I have a lump where the port is, but that is all that indicates it being there. I guess the port is about the size of a quarter (don't know how thick it is - my swollen spot feels like it is about an inch thick, but I doubt it is close to that at all!

I just took a pain pill, so I may wake up with my face on the keyboard. I am not in a huge amount of pain. My neck hurts when I swallow - not my throat, but my neck, just the same feeling. It feels like I have a stiff neck feeling, like I can't turn my head, but I have pretty good range of motion. I can move my arms without pain - just a little limited. I guess that is all. I may have more to add, but will do a part 2 thing if I am adding to this, not adding new stuff.