Red Rover, Red Rover, I am Red All Over

OK, so I am not red all over, but I couldn't come up with any other catch phrase with Red in it. The photo below does not do justice to how red my back and underarm area is. Jeff took the picture yesterday and it is way more red today. It is almost purple. The spot on the top is the most red and then a swath under my arm is about the same color. The rest of my back/side is the lighter color and my chest is covered with splotchy dark red spots (like a rash) that may come together to make the whole area look like a newly painted stop sign. It hurts! and is really itchy. I know that the peak of the redness/burn will come about a week or two after the radiation actually ends, so that means I have about 3 weeks left until I can start feeling relief from all this. It isn't so bad, but that area is also swollen and the skin and underlying muscle are tight from the burn and weren't all the way stretched back to normal from after surgery. (I was not so good about remembering to do my stretches) OK, so it is bad - it is uncomfortable with a seat belt across it, I'm starting to feel it hurt when I lie on my back and even just reaching for something can make the whole area be noticeably painful. Not cry out in pain (we're actually having an issue on this very thing with N - trying to teach her to suck it up and not need consoling for every little scratch) - back to what I was saying, not-cry-out-in-pain, pain; but suck-in-your-breath-sometimes-pain.  And the itch can be distracting. I try to gently rub my clothing, just moving it enough to give some kind of relief from the itch. The hydro-cortisone cream helps with that. And I am putting on lotions, aloe and emu oil frequently to help with the burning. I don't know if it is helping to actually cut down on the severity of the burns or just giving temporary relief to the area??? I don't want to find out by cutting down on it all. As I say, just about a month from now, I should be seeing noticeable difference and recovery from all of this! 

 My energy level is pretty much back to what it was before all this started. Sometimes during the day I hit a wall and need a power nap - and sometimes the power nap turns into a couple hours, but that was normal a year ago. I noticed that my sleep patterns are really similar. For a few days out of the month, I wake several times during the night. Some nights I am awake for a couple hours. And some nights (like last night!!!!) I actually sleep all night without waking or having to get up. I am awakened now with hot flashes, but except for the couple nights where I wake up 5 times - every 45 minutes - and can't go back to sleep for half an hour, it is all manageable. I guess there are some medications (surprise! NOT), to help with hot flashes, but they are anti-depressants and I don't want to add something that I don't have to. The Tamoxafin is enough on it's own. Dr. Sri did say that I most likely will adjust to the drug and level off somewhat so the side effects won't be so drastic. 

I went in for a temple recommend interview the other night and President Martin - the counselor in the Stake Presidency - who interviewed me is an Oncology Pharmacist. He knew all about the drugs that I had and was able to tell me a little about the advances that have been made very recently. Having the HER2 positive used to be a really bad, bad thing and survival from that type of breast cancer was very low. Well, with Herceptin (which I read has only been in use for the last year or so), being HER2+ is actually a very easy and straightforward treatment now. Herceptin is a type of miracle drug for that and they pair it with Perjeta which was the only option before and it raises the survival rate way higher! 

Not much other news from the family. We are enjoying the nice spring that is happening right now. Last week most days were actually near or above 80* and this week just around 70. Spokane doesn't have lots of dreary misty, rainy days. When it rains, it rains, then moves on to partly sunny or all sunny. Having grown up in Western WA, and being one of very few people who really like that weather there, it is hard to adjust to mostly sunny days. I like a big storm and rain for a few days in a row. I still feel that when the sun comes out I need to be outside soaking it up because it won't stay for very long. But I'm getting used to it. I'm looking for some fun hiking spots close by. I have started a hiking group with anyone who wants to join me. I would like to finally hike Mt. Si and Rattlesnake Ridge this summer when I am visiting my mom and dad. There, I wrote it down, it's a goal! All those years we lived in Snoqualmie, and I've never climbed those two popular hikes. I have done Little Si, but never all the way up to the top of Mt. Si. So I am doing hikes around here to bring my body up to a good fitness level to do this. That's about it! 

OH, tomorrow will be the last of 5 weeks of radiation. Dr. Call said that the last week, they focus the rays directly on the surgery scar, so it won't be blasting the whole area like they have for the last 5 weeks. That is a relief! 

Old Habits Die Hard

When I got Lasik surgery 8 years ago I was so happy to be done with glasses. But the habit of pushing up glasses or carefully reaching under the glasses to rub my eyes took a long time to go away. In fact, I still sometimes do that when rubbing my eyes - slide my finger up as if under the glasses to take care of that itch. Yesterday when I was drying off after my shower I reached my hands up and did the motion to wring water from my hair (like pulling hair into a ponytail). I actually wondered for a split second why there was no hair in my hands.
Speaking of hair, mine has been growing back since the end of January! It's maybe an inch and a half long. It doesn't look like it will be curly.  It seems to be just straight as can be - at least that is what it looks like around my ears. The top has a little lift to it, but I think it's because it is so short. It is dark with some grey strands mixed in. Not enough to make it look greying, but Jeff says there is some grey. On Friday when I left radiation, I passed a gal who was just going in to that office. She was completely bald and not wearing anything on her head. I thought - well, I guess my hair is long enough - if she can go shiny head, I can go with a little fuzz. I contemplated going hatless on Sunday, but didn't. But Monday came and since then I have gone to all my appointments and errands without a hat. I keep one in my car just in case it is cold. I do need something for when I go out in the sun so I don't get sunburned, but for now, I am good without. I went to church last night for a meeting and it was activity night. So a lot of people have now seen me without any adornment. I think I am ready to do this. Besides, when I do wear a hat and then have to take it off because it is too hot or I am at home, I have funky looking hat-hair.
I shaved my hair off on September 16th. It has been 7 months since then and 3 1/2 since my last chemo treatment. Looking back I would say that it wasn't so bad. At times it was actually nice to have no hair to worry about. When I was so sick and went a day or two without showering, I didn't have greasy hair. It wasn't there to get in the way and I didn't have to think about getting it cut or styling it. It was especially nice after surgery when I couldn't do much with my right arm. I didn't have to struggle drying it or anything. I would have liked to not deal with a cold head - especially at night. But the little lap blanket that Heather M. made for me was perfect to keep just above my pillow at night so I could tuck it around my head when I got cold and just push it off when I didn't need it. It was one of the side-effects that I was most dreading, but really it was easy to get used to. It is also some kind of a statement without having to say - "I have Cancer" - people understand a little why you might looked haggard or might need a little more help or patience or why you are having to say NO to requests, etc.
I am 1/2 done with radiation! Starting to get itchy and my underarm is the most red at this point. Still feeling great and getting lots done around the house. I haven't been able to deep clean since August, so I am doing a little bit of that every day. I know a lot of people would tell me "don't worry about that!" or "don't over do anything". I am not over doing - just doing a little bit each day. I don't have a goal to turn the house inside out in a weeks time. I am doing only what I can. Also, I like to clean - well, I kind of like to clean, but I do like a clean house, so again, I am doing a little bit on the days I don't have other obligations. I am also purging stuff. I keep trying to downsize and simplify, so that is partly what I am doing. Although looking at all the junk we have, one wouldn't know that is what I am doing. I look at our neighbor's garages when they are left open and wonder how it is they don't have anything in them. There is a nice storage room downstairs in each place, but we have all our food storage and luggage down there. Plus all the walls in the garage have shelving which we have filled. I do have to say that we use what we have, but I have also kept a lot of things over the years - that is what I am purging out. It is something that I like to do, so it is fulfilling to me to get that done!

I just was going through old posts and saw another one with this same title. The first paragraph is almost verbatim with this one - funny! But I'm not going to change it.

The Lone Lash

It is really hard to take a selfie with an iPad. Then, iPads don't do macro shots. So this photo is really blurry, but it tells the story anyway. It is cropped to not show the eyeball. That is for my mother and son's benefit. But I needed to document this.
 If you look hard enough, you can see the one eyelash sticking up longer than the others. My eyelashes did end up falling mostly out, but this one held on through thick and thin. I was finally able to put mascara on this last weekend and this one lash sticks out even more with the added mascara.

I was just going over all my posts and realized this picture never got in there. For some reason, I can't insert a photo from my ipad photo gallery. So I took the picture and never sent it to myself so I could put it in on the computer.  My lashes are slowly getting longer, but that one lash is still longer and hanging in there!

What is Radiation?

I am 43% done with radiation!! I keep getting asked what happens with radiation. I go in every day and it takes about 10 minutes from start to finish. In fact, with a 9 minute drive, today it took me 32 minutes from leaving my house until I got home. I go into the office and change into a lovely hospital robe. They have me then lie down on this table...



They described it as large Kitchen Aid. I had never really looked at it before taking the picture. I just went in and got on the table. You can see the blue "pillow" there. (misleading description as it isn't soft in the least) That is where I put my head and reach up to grab hold of the two white posts above it. The pillow is specifically designed for me so I am in the same position every time. It is not a pillow, but a form of some sort. When they made it, they just pumped up something with air to form around me. I guess they used that as a mold, or maybe it was soft material that they pumped up that hardened when they were through. Anyway, the table then gets raised up and back under that large round thing. That is where the radiation (think x-ray) comes out. That moves around me, so it is pointing at different angles. The radiation part is about 2 seconds long - they do about 3 or 4 angles. In that big round thing, there are teeth that move open or shut to direct the rays exactly where they need to be. When all the teeth are open, it is about 10" square. When it is radiating, the openings are about 1-2 inches or smaller. Hard to explain, but that is the best way I can think to explain it. This other picture is of the ceiling. In the CT room, it is of a waterfall in a rain forest. Kind of nice they think of the patient lying there with nothing to look at.

I am starting to feel the effects of the radiation. I have a definite darker "tan" line on my chest. It goes from the mid-line (sternum) and across the bottom of the rib cage. My armpit is getting red also. It also goes up over my shoulder just about where I can reach with my opposite hand and around my side to where I can reach. That quadrant will always be darker than the rest of my skin and will be sensitive to the sun. I need to make sure to always have sunscreen on anything exposed. It is also getting to be more sensitive. I wouldn't say it hurts yet, but for sure it is sensitive on the verge of being itchy (think sunburn). The itchy will get worse and annoying. There could possibly be blisters at it's very worst. I am using aloe and creams to keep the skin moist and soothed. I also switched to a very mild shower soap.

Other than that, I am feeling really good. I went out and did some weeding for about 20 minutes (I had to set the timer or I would just stay out there for far too long). I also sprayed some weed killer for about 2 hours. We have this large yard and along both fence lines is a huge space of nothing but weeds. If it were mine, I'd either plant grass all the way to the fence or build some of it up for planting. We have some "raised beds" - we just nailed together some scrap wood that was left here to make some 6 foot square gardens. There are 3 of them and then another deeper one for tomatoes. Last year, the girls each took one and I had one and we had fun deciding what to plant. N grew a huge sunflower and A got the largest pumpkin. We planted marigolds around the border and since I wasn't up to cleaning it all out in the fall, the marigolds all went to seed and there a thousands of seed in and around each garden bed. We'll have to be diligent about pulling those this spring. They made a nice border, but I thought they'd be about 8 inches tall. They got to be about 2 feet tall and made it hard to get into the rest of the garden. Nova already has a strawberry blossom on one of her plants.

  

It has been really nice weather this past week, which has been our Spring Break. We took a drive out to Kettle Falls, only to find out that the Falls are under a lot of water due to the Grand Coulee Dam which was built back in 1942. I guess no one thought to change the name of the town to signify that there are no longer any falls there. It was a cute town, but it was a long drive and the girls were bored. We did get out and explore an old mission area. The building has been re-built and there was an old cemetery and a large boulder that was used as a sharpening stone by the Natives to sharpen their fishing tools. It is made of amphibolite which is more fine-grained than the local bedrock. All this overlooks Lake Roosevelt which is the lake that now covers the original Kettle Falls. We did go down a side road and were able to view Myers Falls which is part of another river that feeds into the Columbia.

Since I have had radiation every morning, we didn't plan any other trips. It has been such nice weather that the girls have just been playing with neighbors and outside a lot. They even slept in the tent last night. Since last year's backyard sleeping lasted a whole 15 minutes, I gave them about 20 before coming in. No, they lasted all night. We slept with our window open which put us actually closer to them in the tent than when they are in their own beds. They woke up a little cold and got damp from all the dew this morning. It has been a quiet, but good week.