So, it is Friday evening and my appointment was on Tuesday. I have been trying to get to writing this. I am not going to proofread it, I wrote most of it yesterday - Tuesday evening when we got home, we had dinner and spent time with the girls. Wednesday consisted of taking A to an eye exam and picking out glasses. Then Joanne came over to chat and that was really a necessary day - she gave me pointers, we talked and talked, laughed and maybe even cried a little. Yesterday, I watched the neighbor's 4 girls - the youngest 2 ages 3 and 1. It ended up being a long time as I offered to also watch them so they could go on a date. The girls all had a great time playing outside and downstairs. I tried to write while they were here, and this is what I came up with..... I may proofread and make sure I didn't leave a half-finished sentence at least!
I wondered about this post - how to write it, how to get across what I am actually feeling. One thing about me is that I usually see something funny in almost everything. One time, when hit with something particularly not good in my life at that point, I (sarcastically) said something humorous - it just happened to be the first thing that popped into my mind.
Well, on the way home from the doctor's appointment Tuesday, I told Jeff, "I guess I just wasted almost $200". Last week I was in Snoqualmie and North Bend has an outlet mall. I have been needing to do this for at least 2 years, but I finally had the time and resources to go replace my bras. I purchased 3 because they cost less than 2 with the sale they were having. (Anyone want to save 50% on a bra - my mom has a coupon that is good the whole month of August, I was going to have her get a 4th one for me, but won't be needing it.....) AND Tuesday morning, because that was the earliest I could get in and have been needing to do so for 3 weeks, I got my hair done.
Now, before I get ahead of myself, Jeff and I still have some decisions to make. Also, there is more information to be gathered before we make those decisions. The first order of business is for me to get an MRI. That is going to show if and how far the cancer is beyond the two tumors they biopsied. But the surgeon pretty much came prepared to let us know that the best type of treatment is going to include chemotherapy, and surgery will be determined after an MRI whether lumpectomy or mastectomy will be best. - This will be a long post, so hang in there!
Well, now I am getting ahead of myself. The first thing that is really interesting to me and that is a HUGE blessing is the way these tumors were found in the first place. As I said in my first post, I felt a lump like a dried pea under the skin about an inch from my sternum. When I went in for the mammogram they put a marker on top of the lump (yes, the technician felt it too) to have it show up in the x-rays. (a triangle shape means I found it, a circle would mean it was found on a previous x-ray and a square means a doctor found it; just fyi). Anyway, the comparison to my mammo from 18 months ago showed absolutely no difference, and the marker wasn't marking anything unusual - nothing to be cause for concern. There was that other what I referred to as scar tissue-like from the infection, but on any comparisons and checking out of all the angles of the x-rays and even the ultrasounds from that same day and in February, nothing sent up any red-flags. I don't remember what she said about how they found something to biopsy - maybe all the types of material in there was the same in the two different times, and they looked at it harder to determine that they were indeed lumps because I told them I felt something. Anyway, if I had gone in for just a regular screening, they would have sent me on my merry way with a clean bill of health. Side note: that 'lump' was not what they biopsied, and I don't really feel it anymore.
Then there is the pathology report. It came with different addendum. The first, said that one was invasive the other infiltrating; ductal carcinoma and they were both in situ (An early stage cancer in which the cancerous growth or tumor is still confined to the site from which it started, and has not spread to surrounding tissue or other organs in the body. When cancer in situ involves cells that line the internal organs, or epithelial cells, it is called carcinoma in situ.). Later, an addendum showed that they are estrogen and progesterone positive meaning that hormones essentially encourage the growth of the cancer. That is all I learned before going into my appointment. Then Dr. Moline said that another test came back and showed that it is also HER2-neu positive. This is not a good thing. From what I understand, this means that they are more aggressive and don't respond to hormone treatment. There are also a lot of calcium deposits throughout the tissue. The two tumors are more than likely a primary tumor with a satellite tumor which means it is the same kind. They need to determine if there are more satellites elsewhere. The ducts are like little subway tunnels and little tumors may be hiding in there and travelling to other places to pop up when they decide to. An MRI is done to see if there are extra satellites elsewhere.
OK, so I just proofread it, even though I said I wasn't going to (not bad for starting and stopping while watching 4 extra girls for 4 hours!)
The reason I am splitting this up between two posts is because this morning, there was a knock at our door at 7 am and I opened the door to Carter and Maggie standing there - they having driven all night to spend a long weekend with us instead of backpacking somewhere in the Uintahs. Well, because of that, my mom and dad decided to join us also, and they showed up later this evening after we spent the late afternoon at the temple. I am teaching the RS lesson on Sunday and A's birthday party is tomorrow morning. (life does go on....) I really wish I could sit down and write this all out and get all of my thoughts and understandings of the appointment down on 'paper', but that will have to wait! I have other things vying for my time the next 3 days!
OH, my dad sent out an email asking family and friends to join us all on Sunday for a special fast on my behalf. I really appreciate that and know I will feel the power of combined prayers and the extra layer of a fast to go along with it!
Friday, July 31, 2015
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Today's the day!
This is short, mostly because I am writing from my iPad and it doesn't scroll past the box that shows on my screen..... ( ok, so I've just written a couple lines and wasted space writing that -kind of like in the Book of Mormon where Nephi and Moroni both essentially say , "I don't write much, because I don't have room and it is difficult to write and it has already been said by others but I wish I could write more....")
So, the day has finally come for my appointment. I am still calm but am at the same time anxious to hear what treatment my doctor is going to recommend for me.
I do need to write something here so I don't forget it (a common occurrence lately.....) but won't go into details as I'd like to keep that part a little more private than here. One thing that I would definitely be stressing over and freaking out about is the financial side of this whole thing. But, a wonderful billing lady at Inland Imaging was in tune enough to steer me in the direction of a program that they have for my particular cancer. The other wonderful lady at this program has been so helpful in figuring out when at first glance it didn't look like I would qualify for this grant, found another way for me to qualify. Because of these insightful ladies, ALL expenses are being taken care of for all treatments involved with my care. Even those that have already been paid-from the first mammogram through anything the doctor decides is best for my treatment. I won't have any financial concerns at all, deductible or no, co-pay or anything. (And we're talking it's already pushing $10,000 before even walking into the surgeons office today.)
There have already been miracles which at first glance haven't seemed like a blessing, which has led me to the point of qualifying for this grant- really and truly I have to remember that enduring to the end is a HUGE part of living life. Looking back at some hardships we have had, I can now be grateful to have had those or I (we) would be facing something way, way harder! A little vague, but I understand what it all means and that's what is important - but I did want to share the thought to hang in there! Heavenly Father has blessings to rain down upon us if we have the faith to endure and what He waits to bless us with is way better than we can even imagine! Well, I'm at the end of my box, see you on the flip side!
So, the day has finally come for my appointment. I am still calm but am at the same time anxious to hear what treatment my doctor is going to recommend for me.
I do need to write something here so I don't forget it (a common occurrence lately.....) but won't go into details as I'd like to keep that part a little more private than here. One thing that I would definitely be stressing over and freaking out about is the financial side of this whole thing. But, a wonderful billing lady at Inland Imaging was in tune enough to steer me in the direction of a program that they have for my particular cancer. The other wonderful lady at this program has been so helpful in figuring out when at first glance it didn't look like I would qualify for this grant, found another way for me to qualify. Because of these insightful ladies, ALL expenses are being taken care of for all treatments involved with my care. Even those that have already been paid-from the first mammogram through anything the doctor decides is best for my treatment. I won't have any financial concerns at all, deductible or no, co-pay or anything. (And we're talking it's already pushing $10,000 before even walking into the surgeons office today.)
There have already been miracles which at first glance haven't seemed like a blessing, which has led me to the point of qualifying for this grant- really and truly I have to remember that enduring to the end is a HUGE part of living life. Looking back at some hardships we have had, I can now be grateful to have had those or I (we) would be facing something way, way harder! A little vague, but I understand what it all means and that's what is important - but I did want to share the thought to hang in there! Heavenly Father has blessings to rain down upon us if we have the faith to endure and what He waits to bless us with is way better than we can even imagine! Well, I'm at the end of my box, see you on the flip side!
Sunday, July 19, 2015
In Limbo
When something new is going to happen, you have the emotions of a new thing and then some anticipation of what it will be like. Then comes the waiting game. And more waiting.....
That is the time period I am in now. Waiting....... I looked up synonyms for wait and there were several types of wait. Some of the synonyms were 'down time' 'linger' 'procrastinate' but my favorite was 'schlep along'. I think I am more of In Limbo than anything else. I have had tests, and results of the pathology report and then shared with others what I have. Now I just have to wait before I know anything else. What type of surgery, how long of recovery? radiation? All those questions I am coming up with and I have to wait for the answers. My first appointment is on July 28th, so hopefully I will get answers to most of those at that time.
It's not like I don't have plenty to fill my time, so maybe I am not doing much of the 'schlepping' that I think I am. I still have a list of things the girls and I want to do for the summer. The heat has been my excuse to not go out and do much, and the girls aren't coming to me with "I'm bored" so I am enjoying a relaxing summer. (Of course they owe me 10 minutes of weeding time , no questions asked, for every time I hear "I'm bored". It's happened only once). But we have a couple more trips 'back home' planned. I still need to find some different types of water sources around here. There is a swimming pool/water park close and I have heard of a couple nice lakes. The only lake we've been to had signs posted "prevent swimmers itch, shower after swimming" - hoping to find another lake close that might not have postings such as that.
Either I am just a non-emotional person, or all the reality of this hasn't hit me just yet. I feel like life is just as it was 3 weeks ago. As I said above, I have plenty to fill my time, so I am not really sitting around contemplating and worrying about what I don't have answers for yet. It isn't any use worrying about what I can't change. So it is just life as usual. OR, maybe once I have those answers I am waiting for, reality will hit and who knows what then. In my mind I will just be able to have a grip on my schedule and what is coming next. I do like to PLAN!
Also, I have had so many people reach out and offer help. I feel badly for not having any answers to "How can I help"? It has been wonderful to be on the receiving end of so much outpouring of love!
Well, Happy Sunday! and I guess at this point I can only just keep plugging along!
Either I am just a non-emotional person, or all the reality of this hasn't hit me just yet. I feel like life is just as it was 3 weeks ago. As I said above, I have plenty to fill my time, so I am not really sitting around contemplating and worrying about what I don't have answers for yet. It isn't any use worrying about what I can't change. So it is just life as usual. OR, maybe once I have those answers I am waiting for, reality will hit and who knows what then. In my mind I will just be able to have a grip on my schedule and what is coming next. I do like to PLAN!
Also, I have had so many people reach out and offer help. I feel badly for not having any answers to "How can I help"? It has been wonderful to be on the receiving end of so much outpouring of love!
Well, Happy Sunday! and I guess at this point I can only just keep plugging along!
Thursday, July 16, 2015
The Little Things
I feel such an outpouring of love from here, there and everywhere!
Last week I found this on my front porch. I knew immediately who sent them - years ago, when I was in Sweden and my best friend Stacy Julian was stuck at the MTC with a delayed visa to go to Germany, I sent her flowers to cheer her up. That was the first thing that came to mind when I saw the FTD box there. Luckily, the neighbor girls came over one afternoon, and these were in a box on my front porch! They came with a cute yellow paint bucket for a vase, but I would have had to cut them way down to make them fit correctly. I put them in this vase until they need sprucing up and then I will get twice as much life out of them in the cute bucket - AND it doesn't have a lick of pink in it!!!
Today I received this in the mail - from the Young Women in Kalispell with whom I was privileged to work for almost the whole year we were there. Although the card is pink (I could call it dusty light mauve - that's better), but I will be looking at the inside and all the sweet uplifting notes instead anyway.
And then my good friend Shar Olson sent this picture with the caption:
"To Heidi.....its NOT pink. Love, from Little Si" (a local mountain in Snoqualmie). I am so in love with this picture. A, N and I have been finding and photographing letters formed by roots, trunks, and branches on our hikes. This is just so perfect - I have already made it my profile picture, and I may just have to get it framed for my desk (if I had a desk, that would be even better). They were hiking with Heather Mather and kids.
August 19 I got a package from Mike, Suzy and family. A sunshine package - filled with all things yellow - NO PINK! yellow socks, scrubbie, sticky tabs, chips, lotion, sanitizer, cough drops, etc. What a fun bright spot on the day of my port surgery
Dinner came that same night from Luci and Lavena along with these bright sunflowers to make the table happy.
My sweet neighbor Rachel not only watched my girls during the surgery time, but she brought a freezer meal and these flowers to brighten my day.
The next day brought this game from our dear friends the Simon's. It is a fun, fast game of Monopoly - not an oxymoron, but really is a fast game. We've been enjoying it lots!
When we got home today, the front door was plastered with sweet notes from the Sister Missionaries. Sisters Mills and Thompson. Thanks for the kind thoughts!
UPDATED 10-9-15
While I was napping during my 2nd infusion (they give me Benedryl half-way through and I immediately fall asleep), Stacy Julian took off to do some errands (plus it is not fun sitting there in the hard chairs offered for visitors). She came back with this fun scarf. She and I tried on all types of head coverings on my "shaving head day", and found out that the best thing I look good in is scarves tied around my head. None of the hats looked good.
Our next door neighbors Winnie and Clint Kimball, brought over dinner on the night of my 2nd infusion. She has a friend who makes these purses and donates them to breast cancer patients. She requested one for me. It was filled with some fun goodies, too. Sock purse, wallet, lint brush, key chain. What thoughtfulness!
I had a discussion with Summer Hill (in my ward), who recently also had chemo treatments. She suggested that I drink bottled water to avoid anything that may be in the water that my body can't tolerate. And of course keeping hands clean to stay healthy. She brought these over for me - I am overwhelmed with the thoughtfulness of others!
One the same night that Summer brought the water/soap gift, she went to the YW activity where the Laurels (she is one of the leaders) made some freezer meals for us and brought them over. Unfortunately, I missed the drop-off having gone to get Amanda at the church from her activity. I did run into them all when they were coming back and I was leaving.
My mother brought this quilt with her for my first infusion. She purchased it from her friend (and mine too) Pat French who makes quilts and professionally teaches quilting. It was wonderful to keep warm (the chemo room is quite cool) during the treatment and subsequent nap. It is a blanket that is fought over during family movie nights.
My wonderful visiting teachers Luci Jamison and Lavena Dart not only have brought dinner, checked in on me and driven me to appointments, they left after one visit to return with these fun scarves. We had discussed that I prefer the scarves to other types of head-coverings and they chose these fun ones for me. They visited me the day after my head-shaving day and I was at my worst, with my face being so bad and my bald head. They are a blessing to me and uplift me every time we get together.
This box showed up yesterday on my door step from a dear friend from home - Kim Fairbanks. She sent a fun box of Sunshine. Funny thing is there were no duplicates from the box that Suzy and family sent a month ago!
Last week I found this on my front porch. I knew immediately who sent them - years ago, when I was in Sweden and my best friend Stacy Julian was stuck at the MTC with a delayed visa to go to Germany, I sent her flowers to cheer her up. That was the first thing that came to mind when I saw the FTD box there. Luckily, the neighbor girls came over one afternoon, and these were in a box on my front porch! They came with a cute yellow paint bucket for a vase, but I would have had to cut them way down to make them fit correctly. I put them in this vase until they need sprucing up and then I will get twice as much life out of them in the cute bucket - AND it doesn't have a lick of pink in it!!!
Today I received this in the mail - from the Young Women in Kalispell with whom I was privileged to work for almost the whole year we were there. Although the card is pink (I could call it dusty light mauve - that's better), but I will be looking at the inside and all the sweet uplifting notes instead anyway.
And then my good friend Shar Olson sent this picture with the caption:
"To Heidi.....its NOT pink. Love, from Little Si" (a local mountain in Snoqualmie). I am so in love with this picture. A, N and I have been finding and photographing letters formed by roots, trunks, and branches on our hikes. This is just so perfect - I have already made it my profile picture, and I may just have to get it framed for my desk (if I had a desk, that would be even better). They were hiking with Heather Mather and kids.
What wonderful, thoughtful peopl
. How can I not be happy and feel loved - even from afar!
UPDATE: 8-23
My sweet neighbor Rachel not only watched my girls during the surgery time, but she brought a freezer meal and these flowers to brighten my day.
The next day brought this game from our dear friends the Simon's. It is a fun, fast game of Monopoly - not an oxymoron, but really is a fast game. We've been enjoying it lots!
UPDATE 9-4-15
First day of chemo. Last night I got two knocks on the door. One was Connie McCoy with a loaf of fresh bread - would have been warm if I had been home earlier when she first tried. YUM! It is gone, so no picture. Next was my neighbor Rachel Smith with some yummy chocolate cups with fruit and chocolate mousse filling. Again - YUM, not picture because they are gone!
When we got home today, the front door was plastered with sweet notes from the Sister Missionaries. Sisters Mills and Thompson. Thanks for the kind thoughts!UPDATED 10-9-15
Our next door neighbors Winnie and Clint Kimball, brought over dinner on the night of my 2nd infusion. She has a friend who makes these purses and donates them to breast cancer patients. She requested one for me. It was filled with some fun goodies, too. Sock purse, wallet, lint brush, key chain. What thoughtfulness!
I had a discussion with Summer Hill (in my ward), who recently also had chemo treatments. She suggested that I drink bottled water to avoid anything that may be in the water that my body can't tolerate. And of course keeping hands clean to stay healthy. She brought these over for me - I am overwhelmed with the thoughtfulness of others!
One the same night that Summer brought the water/soap gift, she went to the YW activity where the Laurels (she is one of the leaders) made some freezer meals for us and brought them over. Unfortunately, I missed the drop-off having gone to get Amanda at the church from her activity. I did run into them all when they were coming back and I was leaving.
My mother brought this quilt with her for my first infusion. She purchased it from her friend (and mine too) Pat French who makes quilts and professionally teaches quilting. It was wonderful to keep warm (the chemo room is quite cool) during the treatment and subsequent nap. It is a blanket that is fought over during family movie nights.My wonderful visiting teachers Luci Jamison and Lavena Dart not only have brought dinner, checked in on me and driven me to appointments, they left after one visit to return with these fun scarves. We had discussed that I prefer the scarves to other types of head-coverings and they chose these fun ones for me. They visited me the day after my head-shaving day and I was at my worst, with my face being so bad and my bald head. They are a blessing to me and uplift me every time we get together.
This box showed up yesterday on my door step from a dear friend from home - Kim Fairbanks. She sent a fun box of Sunshine. Funny thing is there were no duplicates from the box that Suzy and family sent a month ago!
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Be Careful What You Pray For- or the Good the Bad and the Ugly
This is sooo, so true!
After moving here, I was in that "I'm in a new area, I don't know many people and I don't know much about this area" mood. I knew it wouldn't help to get all discouraged and let it get me down. Having just done the exact same thing at the exact same time in Montana last year, I knew that we will eventually get used to things and meet people. But, I did want to be more proactive rather than wait for things to 'just happen'. Lately I have been praying that I would be able to be more aware of ways to serve and help others. I also was realizing that next year I would have both girls in school full time, and I didn't want to be wasting my time like I felt I did in Kalispell. I don't think I was that lazy, but I didn't get to any of the things I wanted to -family history, simplifying our life (ie: stuff), volunteering more at school. One excuse is that most of our things were packed still, so I couldn't get to them. This all has been on my mind as I have been praying also to get a nudge to get myself going with things.
So, all I can say is be careful what you pray for! I have always been careful to NOT pray for patience because I know that you just end up being 'blessed' with things that try your patience-presumably to build said-prayed-for patience. Instead of for patience, I pray to serve and am also wondering what to do with my upcoming extra time. Well..... I was just called last week to be our ward Relief Society president. (In our church, congregations are called wards, and there is a Bishop who oversees, leads and ministers to the whole ward. Then each group has a presidency-young women, children, etc. the Relief Society is for the women ages 18+). To find out more what an RS president does you can click Here (I've always wondered how to do that little 'here' thing for a link, I hope it works) Anyway, I am excited to get to know all the wonderful women in our ward. I definitely have some learning and growing to do and stepping WAY out of my comfort zone to do it.
Some might think "just say NO", but as I mentioned in my first post, I have felt really calm about all of this. It all happened at once and is kind of mixed up together in my mind and attitude. Besides the fact that I know Heavenly Father won't ask too much of me - I am more aware of what I can and can't do. That I can say "no" and that I can rely on other people. I am always one to wait for a topic to come up rather than bring it up myself. Like when telling people we were expecting - I would wait for the topic of pregnancy or children to bring it up. It was a step in a different direction for me to put this cancer thing 'out there', but at the same time, there are so many special people in my life with whom I don't rub shoulders with on a daily basis (weekly, monthly or yearly either for that matter) - that I am getting better at sharing and speaking up (at least a little). I have promised Jeff and some others that I will admit that I need help when I do, rather than exhaust myself trying and probably failing to do some things. I have some great councelors and secretary and from what I have seen so far, everyone else in the ward is willing to help. I am already overwhelmed with the kind words and offers I have received and I definitely can feel the love and support from others' prayers.
On the other hand - I am entering another new phase in Life. One that I anticipated, but didn't expect to happen for a while longer. Tori and Jesse are having a baby!!!! This also came at the same time as the other two new phases. I am over-the-top thrilled to enter into grand-parenthood.
Actually, looking over this post, maybe my calm and peaceful feelings I am getting is just a type of numbing. Like when you have dental work. You go home thinking you're going to be fine, but when the anesthetic wears off, you are in pain! I have had so many new things hit me at the same time, I may just be walking around in a type of daze and one of these mornings, I will wake up realizing what really hit me and wonder how in the world I am ever going to make it! Definitely not alone!
After moving here, I was in that "I'm in a new area, I don't know many people and I don't know much about this area" mood. I knew it wouldn't help to get all discouraged and let it get me down. Having just done the exact same thing at the exact same time in Montana last year, I knew that we will eventually get used to things and meet people. But, I did want to be more proactive rather than wait for things to 'just happen'. Lately I have been praying that I would be able to be more aware of ways to serve and help others. I also was realizing that next year I would have both girls in school full time, and I didn't want to be wasting my time like I felt I did in Kalispell. I don't think I was that lazy, but I didn't get to any of the things I wanted to -family history, simplifying our life (ie: stuff), volunteering more at school. One excuse is that most of our things were packed still, so I couldn't get to them. This all has been on my mind as I have been praying also to get a nudge to get myself going with things.
So, all I can say is be careful what you pray for! I have always been careful to NOT pray for patience because I know that you just end up being 'blessed' with things that try your patience-presumably to build said-prayed-for patience. Instead of for patience, I pray to serve and am also wondering what to do with my upcoming extra time. Well..... I was just called last week to be our ward Relief Society president. (In our church, congregations are called wards, and there is a Bishop who oversees, leads and ministers to the whole ward. Then each group has a presidency-young women, children, etc. the Relief Society is for the women ages 18+). To find out more what an RS president does you can click Here (I've always wondered how to do that little 'here' thing for a link, I hope it works) Anyway, I am excited to get to know all the wonderful women in our ward. I definitely have some learning and growing to do and stepping WAY out of my comfort zone to do it.
Some might think "just say NO", but as I mentioned in my first post, I have felt really calm about all of this. It all happened at once and is kind of mixed up together in my mind and attitude. Besides the fact that I know Heavenly Father won't ask too much of me - I am more aware of what I can and can't do. That I can say "no" and that I can rely on other people. I am always one to wait for a topic to come up rather than bring it up myself. Like when telling people we were expecting - I would wait for the topic of pregnancy or children to bring it up. It was a step in a different direction for me to put this cancer thing 'out there', but at the same time, there are so many special people in my life with whom I don't rub shoulders with on a daily basis (weekly, monthly or yearly either for that matter) - that I am getting better at sharing and speaking up (at least a little). I have promised Jeff and some others that I will admit that I need help when I do, rather than exhaust myself trying and probably failing to do some things. I have some great councelors and secretary and from what I have seen so far, everyone else in the ward is willing to help. I am already overwhelmed with the kind words and offers I have received and I definitely can feel the love and support from others' prayers.
On the other hand - I am entering another new phase in Life. One that I anticipated, but didn't expect to happen for a while longer. Tori and Jesse are having a baby!!!! This also came at the same time as the other two new phases. I am over-the-top thrilled to enter into grand-parenthood.
Actually, looking over this post, maybe my calm and peaceful feelings I am getting is just a type of numbing. Like when you have dental work. You go home thinking you're going to be fine, but when the anesthetic wears off, you are in pain! I have had so many new things hit me at the same time, I may just be walking around in a type of daze and one of these mornings, I will wake up realizing what really hit me and wonder how in the world I am ever going to make it! Definitely not alone!
Friday, July 10, 2015
News from the front
Where to begin? I am good with facts and chronological reporting, so here goes.
So, about 3 weeks ago, we were all watching TV - probably the Brady Bunch - and I had my arm on the back of the couch around one of the girls. I reached over to scratch close to my sternum and noticed a pea sized lump. Well, to go back a few months, I had a B infection and so had that checked out with an ultrasound and treated with antibiotics. There was an area that was very large and hard during those few days. One spot never really returned to normal, and I just put it down as maybe something like scar tissue - a hard spot left over from the infection. It never occurred to me that it may be something to be concerned about. This pea-sized lump lead me to get a mammogram. The last one I had was about 18 months ago. (GET ON THOSE LADIES!!!! AND DO THEM YEARLY - as well as monthly self-exams)
So, when I got back from a trip to Snoqualmie, I called and made an appointment with the same place who did the ultrasound back in February. They were normally scheduling out 2 weeks, but had an appointment cancel that afternoon, so I got right in on Tuesday the 30th. They then had me schedule an ultrasound guided biopsy. That was for the following Monday - July 6th. My midwife from Kalispell - Honey Newton (I don't have a local dr. yet, and I needed a dr. to order the diagnostics and receive the reports) called Tuesday afternoon with the news that indeed the lumps were found to be cancerous. Ductal Carcinoma; one of them invasive and the other infiltrating. Both "in situ" (don't yet know what that means, but it is good!) and they are estrogen and progesterone positive. She expects treatment will be a lumpectomy and radiation.
So, how do I feel? I am really calm. I laughed to myself when my mother - before I had the biopsy - told Jeff "she may seem calm on the outside, but inside will be a totally different story". Well, not so much. I do wonder what treatment and after will be like, but really, I am calm and peaceful. I am different than my mother in that aspect. Of course, no one wants to hear the words "You have Cancer", but what I have is the best kind to have and it is early on, so treatment should be cut and dry (literally). When I scheduled with the surgeon, Jill (the wonderful scheduler) said to my answer of "in situ" - "OH GOOD, that is what you want.", sounding quite excited about it. I know hardly anyone here, and haven't found a doctor yet, except for the emergency care we visited in February. Honey researched and sent me a list of doctors in order with the best at the top. Also, my friend Joanne who just recently finished her treatment here had referred me to Cancer Care NW. So that's where I called and Jill said "I'm going to put you with our best Doctor, she is the one all the other doctor's choose to go to" and it was the doctor at the top of my list. Doctor Moline. I have to go downtown to the clinic she practices out of, but the other clinic that is closer, another doctor is only there once a week.
I don't have any illusions that life will be normal; that I will go in for a surgery and then just have a few weeks of radiation with no interruptions in my life. In fact, with my calling at church, I know that I will be busy and then I have 2 young girls still at home needing to have care, transporting and attention. I expect to have the normal side-effects of whatever treatment I will end up getting. I am sure I will need to rely on help from people who offer it. Jeff has already stepped up (which puts him up higher than he already is on the helpful list), and the girls understand they will be learning life skills like cooking and laundry. I have the best immediate help one could wish! Honey did say that it is a good thing we are here and not still in Kalispell. The quality of care is better here than we would be able to find in Montana. I actually would be coming to Spokane for treatments.
So, about 3 weeks ago, we were all watching TV - probably the Brady Bunch - and I had my arm on the back of the couch around one of the girls. I reached over to scratch close to my sternum and noticed a pea sized lump. Well, to go back a few months, I had a B infection and so had that checked out with an ultrasound and treated with antibiotics. There was an area that was very large and hard during those few days. One spot never really returned to normal, and I just put it down as maybe something like scar tissue - a hard spot left over from the infection. It never occurred to me that it may be something to be concerned about. This pea-sized lump lead me to get a mammogram. The last one I had was about 18 months ago. (GET ON THOSE LADIES!!!! AND DO THEM YEARLY - as well as monthly self-exams)
So, when I got back from a trip to Snoqualmie, I called and made an appointment with the same place who did the ultrasound back in February. They were normally scheduling out 2 weeks, but had an appointment cancel that afternoon, so I got right in on Tuesday the 30th. They then had me schedule an ultrasound guided biopsy. That was for the following Monday - July 6th. My midwife from Kalispell - Honey Newton (I don't have a local dr. yet, and I needed a dr. to order the diagnostics and receive the reports) called Tuesday afternoon with the news that indeed the lumps were found to be cancerous. Ductal Carcinoma; one of them invasive and the other infiltrating. Both "in situ" (don't yet know what that means, but it is good!) and they are estrogen and progesterone positive. She expects treatment will be a lumpectomy and radiation.
So, how do I feel? I am really calm. I laughed to myself when my mother - before I had the biopsy - told Jeff "she may seem calm on the outside, but inside will be a totally different story". Well, not so much. I do wonder what treatment and after will be like, but really, I am calm and peaceful. I am different than my mother in that aspect. Of course, no one wants to hear the words "You have Cancer", but what I have is the best kind to have and it is early on, so treatment should be cut and dry (literally). When I scheduled with the surgeon, Jill (the wonderful scheduler) said to my answer of "in situ" - "OH GOOD, that is what you want.", sounding quite excited about it. I know hardly anyone here, and haven't found a doctor yet, except for the emergency care we visited in February. Honey researched and sent me a list of doctors in order with the best at the top. Also, my friend Joanne who just recently finished her treatment here had referred me to Cancer Care NW. So that's where I called and Jill said "I'm going to put you with our best Doctor, she is the one all the other doctor's choose to go to" and it was the doctor at the top of my list. Doctor Moline. I have to go downtown to the clinic she practices out of, but the other clinic that is closer, another doctor is only there once a week.
I don't have any illusions that life will be normal; that I will go in for a surgery and then just have a few weeks of radiation with no interruptions in my life. In fact, with my calling at church, I know that I will be busy and then I have 2 young girls still at home needing to have care, transporting and attention. I expect to have the normal side-effects of whatever treatment I will end up getting. I am sure I will need to rely on help from people who offer it. Jeff has already stepped up (which puts him up higher than he already is on the helpful list), and the girls understand they will be learning life skills like cooking and laundry. I have the best immediate help one could wish! Honey did say that it is a good thing we are here and not still in Kalispell. The quality of care is better here than we would be able to find in Montana. I actually would be coming to Spokane for treatments.
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