If there is one thing I have learned through my whole life is that this is a true statement. It has been confirmed to me through this cancer journey that with the help of Christ, I can accomplish all things - hard things.
This last Sunday was Fast and Testimony meeting at church. Once a month we fast for 24 hours and give the money we would have used for those meals to give to the welfare funds of the Church. On that Sunday, our meeting includes people getting up to bear testimony to the congregation rather than being assigned ahead of time to prepare a talk. (which I did the previous week).
Anyway, this last Sunday was this meeting and Jeff got up and spoke about how it was a year ago that we found out about my cancer. (has it only been a year?) What he said reminded me of the tough times I had gone through. He also said that at some points, I was ready to give up. I do remember that. I remember saying that I was done - I just wanted to give up and not keep going. But I was able to turn to my Savior Jesus Christ and find strength to keep going.
What if I had given up? I could have just said "this is enough!" and stopped treatment. Heading into the 2nd-6th treatments, I knew what was coming. But I also knew that there was hope and healing at the end of the sickness time. I just had to hang on. I pondered a lot on the saying "Enduring to the End". There are lots of definitions out there what Enduring means - how just hanging on doesn't cut it. But I have learned that sometimes that is all you can do. Sometimes you only have enough in you to just wait. Waiting isn't bad. Actually it is a good thing sometimes. It is in those waiting moments that one can really focus on getting strength. Building it up to be able to then have the strength to get over that hurdle. That doesn't mean that the end comes just by waiting. Waiting is part of it and can give you the strength to then proceed and work toward the end.
The end of this scripture in Phillippians 4:13 is soo, so true "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." When the really hard things come - or just the little hard things - it is Christ who gives us the strength to get through. I can now look back at this cancer journey - but it holds true with ALL aspects of life - that in the deepest (hardest, toughest) times, I was able to get strength from my Savior, and then when I was strong, I could keep going.
I look back on my life and can see how this has held so true. I could have given up many times over the past 51 years. There were times on my mission when I was done, but I wasn't finished. I kept going and was able to finish, and finish well. If I had given up at the toughest times, I would have come home and then wondered if I really could have finished differently. There have been other times in my married, parenting, & church life when I was done. When I was ready to just stop and not go on. One time, I actually did give up. I had worked really hard preparing for a test to pass off Swedish - the 4 years required by BYU - to get all 16 credits with a language test. But when the grades came out, they weren't what I wanted or expected to get. I gave up. At the time, I was sure that I would go back the following semester and retake the test. I didn't purchase the credits and here I am 30 years later and I don't have that on my transcript. That one decision to not purchase those credits has led to me not finishing my degree. I know I can do something else to get the degree, but because of that I have put off doing it.I should have realized what I now know: that getting through would bring a higher reward,
But in most of my life I have kept going. I am so grateful to have this perspective from this side of my cancer journey. I made it through. I can do all things through Christ. He is my strength and support. I have a greater understanding of what life really means. Just as I do with other hard things I have endured. I understand that I am strong and those aspects of my life where I have gone through hard things, I am stronger because I held on, worked hard, and sometimes just waited until the pain was lessened so I was able to move onward and upward.
