Halfway There

I have been putting off admitting that I am halfway through. Yes, I completed my 3rd of 6 treatments last week, but that is far from halfway. The day of treatment is a breeze. It's the week that follows that is the hard road, and then the couple weeks after that that one starts to feel normal again before it all starts over. And when I think of it, even after the new year when my treatments are done and my bad week is behind me, I am not sure what is coming next, but it will be something.

So, yes, I am now at the end of my 3rd infusion, and 3rd bad week. And what a week it was! I did some things differently, and I don't know if that is what is to blame. It wasn't as bad as the first round. I did not have any of the heavy body, unable to move feeling about me (thankfully!!!). I did have the same thing happen this time with my mouth. Extreme dry mouth with dead taste buds. Nothing tasted good and it has been hard to get food down. I have had no nausea whatsoever. This time, I decided to forego the anti-nausea pill as one side effect of that is dizziness. I did not like that feeling last time, so I thought I'd be extra watchful if I even had nausea, I would pop it in right away. No, that did not come. But the dry mouth did. I don't know if that would have been avoided with the pill or not??? Jeff said that I will finally figure everything out and it will all be over. One thing different this time is that they were handing out flu shots like candy on Halloween at the chemo room. I did (of course) have one. I have not gone for the flu shot in the past. I feel like it is better to take my chances on catching it (only once have I gotten it- since the push to get flu shots) and build up my resistance on my own. I am not on a soap box here. I just feel like the majority of our non-life threatening vaccines these days are more for the convenience of people not missing work than it is for health purposes. Unless of course one is at high-risk (which I am at this point), then I don't opt for it myself. I am a minority, I know, in my way of thinking and my life situation. I can stay home with sick children and if I am sick, then my dusting doesn't get done (I did that today, btw). I think sick days are good for people. It helps us realize how important and be thankful for good health. ok, there you have my opinion, which is just that!

I felt great on Friday and Saturday. I had a bit of a hard time eating on Saturday, but other than that, I had energy and except for a nap, wasn't fatigued much. The girls had friends over and they played mostly outside all day. It was such a nice day. Sunday was the Primary Program and I so wanted to go. I stayed in bed all morning except for breakfast (yuck), and finally got up and dressed at noon. I was really, really wanting to go to the Sacrament meeting. I was sitting there and realized that it wasn't a good idea, so they went on ahead without me. It was a good thing. I had diarrhea and felt fatigued the whole time they were gone. That is the way that the next 3 days have gone. I know in the handout they give you when you get a vaccine, it says that one cannot get the flu from the flu shot. It is not a live vaccine. But the side effects are almost as bad. Except for a fever, I think maybe (hope) that it is from the shot that I got some of my icky feelings. (hope, so that means it won't happen next time). I just felt crummy. As I said, it wasn't any of that heavy, useless, energy-less feeling. It was just an all over yuck feeling. And on Tuesday and Wednesday at the exact same time, I had to throw up. It came up all of a sudden and when it was gone, it was gone. I didn't actually throw up, more like dry heaves. (sorry to be so descriptive here, but it is a record of how I feel, so I have to be honest and clear). Anyway, that was weird. I decided today to try taking the anti-nausea pill to see if that will take away the bout with nausea from the past 2 evenings. Also, maybe it will help with the dry mouth. I don't know how the two would go together, but you never know.

Well, the girls just got home from school, so I got sidetracked. Today I am feeling better. Got a couple of chores done. Thinking about food has not made me want to curl up and go to sleep to avoid eating. I actually have not felt too hungry today. I still am having a hard time getting fluids down. When I drink I feel like it doesn't do any good. It's as if I eat a piece of chalk before I put anything into my mouth. Eating or drinking is just going to coat my mouth with more chalky feeling not clear it away. Also, when I don't sleep well - as in wake up every hour so I remember the dream I just finished- I have really weird dreams. Some of them are actually not good. But one I have had with this dry mouth thing is that my mouth is full of some sort of material that I have to pull out bit by bit. Like gum stuck to your teeth. But it is filling my whole mouth and I never get it all out. I am just pulling and pulling at it and it is stuck to all my teeth and everything. Ugh, yuck!

That is not the note I wanted to end on. But I really don't have much else to say. I have had some people do such nice things for me/us. Rachel Smith (neighbor friend) brought dinner over after watching our girls Thursday after school since I wasn't sure if I'd be home. She also dropped off some magazines and flowers yesterday just for a pick me up. The neighbor got mad at Jeff for not telling her that I had had another treatment. My visiting teachers have checked in on me everyday. When people ask what they can do, I just don't know what to tell them. Food doesn't taste/sound good to me. I am just tired, so rest is the only cure for that. Prayers are definitely at the top of the list. I know that those are working on my behalf. I know that without prayers and the wonderful thoughtful people in my life that I would just curl up on the floor and cry myself into misery each and every day of this experience.