Bald is Beautiful - or that's what they say

Today it is finally all gone. Yesterday in the shower, I lost a lot of the fuzzies that have graced my head for the last 3 weeks. Today, I got out looking like an old man with hair around my ears and at the crown of my head with little bits scattered around my head. I used the electric razor to take it all off. When I came out to the living room, the girls said I looked like Grandpa. First, I look like Carter, now I look like my dad. Oh, well, I hope to look like myself again in a few months.

I have felt so much better this time than last time. I hope not to jinx myself, but I expect to feel more like this last time and not the tremendous horrid unable to function feeling I had the first time. I do expect it to get harder, but harder than this last time. After the 1st one, I was dreading the following infusions thinking it would get harder from that starting point.

I have come up with the pros of baldness. The cons being obvious - you look like the men in your family. If you are loosing your hair, then you constantly have the stubble itching you as it falls out (now, not a concern). You have to come up with ways to match your head covering to your clothing. Being colder than usual.
But the pros:
No hair to pick off your clothes.
No threat of loosing hair in the food you cook.
No shaving or plucking. (it's not just the hair on your head you loose) - the fact is, chemo attacks fast      growing cells. Hair follicles are fast growing, so it attacks and kills them, thus the hair loss. So, no      shaving, no nicks from razors, no itching when the hair grows back in!
Getting ready in the morning is much faster. Not only do I not have to wash my hair, I also don't have       to dry, prep and style it.
You don't have to explain to others that you have cancer and are going through treatment.
I have an advantage in a cat-fight or attack from somebody - they can't grab my hair!
If I felt so inclined, I would be able to have a different hair style everyday. The place that gives out        wigs and other head coverings to cancer patients has lots of different styles. I could go exchange        every week if I wanted.
Hair doesn't fall in my face when I am looking down at something.
Saving lots of money for not visiting the hair salon and buying hair products.
Complaining of being cold is accepted by others in the family, not met with unbelief.
I am sure I could come up with a really cool Halloween costume. I've been thinking of Charlie Brown      or the grandpa from "Meet the Robinson's" who draws a face on the back of his head and wears          his clothes backwards. But he may not be completely bald? I have to check that out. I need                  suggestions.

This last weekend was General Conference. It was such an uplifting, inspiring experience. I enjoyed being able to watch and listen to all the sessions. Mother and I went out and did some shopping Saturday evening. It was fun to get out and about after my week of staying in and not being able to take myself anywhere. Sunday morning, I was later than most others getting up in the morning. I learned that N had gotten up early and had not felt very well. She got her bowl and promptly threw up! She was told to stay downstairs and away from me all day. I felt so badly, not being able to sit with her and comfort her. It ended up not helping. I am sure that on Wednesday I had some of the same bug she did. I didn't throw up, but had other symptoms that felt different than my chemo symptoms. I had a headache that wouldn't go away most of the day. I just felt blah all day. I didn't get anything done, but just lazed all day and got better. At first I thought I wasn't feeling well because I did too much on Tuesday working in the garden. I clipped all the flowers down and dug some of them up to clean off the dirt from the roots. I did all three garden boxes and put yard stuff away in the shed. It felt so good being outside. I worked slowly, but I am sure I did too much. I was sore, but now I think part of that was soreness from being sick, not just muscle sore.

I felt much better on Thursday. Jeff also picked something up and has been coughing for the last few days. Every night when I am sleeping, I think of all the air I am sharing with him. I hope not to get the cough thing, too. If I do, I don't know if that affects the ability to stick to my chemo schedule. I hope not. Today is a no-school day. There is a rival football game tonight that Jeff wants to take the girls to. I think they will have fun once they get there. Amanda is just thinking it is watching a "boring football game", so she doesn't want to go. What do you do when you know your children will have fun, but they think it will be boring and don't want to go. Do you force them? Then they spend the whole time thinking of being forced to do something rather than having fun doing something different. I know Jeff wants to go and he wants to take them. I would go, so then it would be a family thing and no question as to whether they go or not. But I am not up to sitting in the cold night and being somewhere where I could pick up some kind of bug. We'll see---- I am finally getting the fact that my immune system is not what it should be. I am torn between going places like normal and staying at home just picking up what the family brings here. I know most chemo patients live normally, most even hardly missing work. My doctor told me that I shouldn't have to go around wearing a face mask or anything, unless they find my blood counts to be really low, which so far they have not been. But at the same time, I am happy staying at home and not going out much. I guess I am just a recluse at heart.

This week, I also found out that my sister is having a suspicious lump checked out in her breast. She said "It is right by my sternum". That is exactly where the lump is that caused me to go in for further screening. She has had an ultrasound and the diagnostic mammogram. They are recommending a core biopsy, just like the one I had. I sure hope the reports come back benign. She is highly stressed over this because of all the similarities of what I am going through. She has had, though, a couple other lumps checked out which turned out benign, so the chances are that this is the same thing!