Surgeon Appointment

Once again I am on my iPad, which does not give me much space to write. I am also in bed wanting to go to sleep. So here is a little bit of what I wrote in an email that sums up what the doctors visit was like today. Still waiting for my tastebuds to revitalize!

Surgery is normally scheduled 3-4 weeks after the last round of chemo. If it needs to be done longer than that, then I will have to have another round of chemo in between. The reason being that we don't want the cancer to get another foothold and start to grow more. The images she showed us from the original MRI and the other images and how she described them while showing us - there is more cancer than just the 2 lumps that make up one larger area. This mass is close to the muscle wall, so that is one reason they had to do the chemo therapy first - to shrink that all down small enough that they can be confident to get all the tissue and surrounding stuff. 

So, surgery - and we decided on a right side mastectomy - will be sometime the week of January 25- probably Friday the 29th if they can schedule it then. It will be about a 6 week recovery from that where I am to do as little movement of the right arm as possible so that the skin can adhere to the new surface underneath. I will then have physical therapy and start radiation after that. There is a small 'area of concern' on the left side that didn't look to be of the same makeup as the other cancerous areas. She said it wasn't something to worry about enough to do a mastectomy on that side also. 

I also will have lymph nodes removed - that is the physical therapy I will be doing afterwards - to prevent lymphadema (accumulation of fluid in the arm due to lymph nodes not there to do their job of draining the arm). 

Forgot to add to the email that radiation will begin 6 weeks post op and go for 6 weeks. Also, the are of concern on the left side looked to be benign. That is why they aren't concerned about operating. 

What will this New Year Bring?

Well, a year ago, we had made the decision to take a new job in Spokane and move from Kalispell where we had been for 51 weeks. There was lots of prayer and list making to decide to do this, but we knew at the top of our list was to be closer to family and close to a temple. Spokane had always been one place we had kept in mind for living. So here we are. That was not the only thing that last "New Year" had in store for us. Of course, a big one was that I was to find out that I have cancer.

Here we are at the end of last year and the beginning of this and I am through with the chemotherapy! I am so excited to be at this point. I am having a hard week, but not as hard as some of the others. My mouth thing is probably as bad as it's been. I can't tolerate anything in my mouth. Last night I had to concentrate on each bite - psyching myself into putting it into my mouth. I am making due. I am drinking enough and each day has been a little better.

Christmas break was really good. The day we left was essentially 2 days and 2 weeks after my last infusion. So by the time Christmas Eve rolled around, that would have been my 3 weeks/next infusion. But I got an extra week because of the holiday. We enjoyed good travel days coming and going to Salt Lake. Maggie's parents were in WA, so they graciously let us stay at their home so we didn't have to be crowded into an apartment and mix N with a dog full-time. N actually got really used to Korah and didn't have problems with her when they were together. I could tell that she was on high alert, so being in the same housing would have made her a little too stressed out. We enjoyed a lot of time with Carter and Maggie and Tori and Jesse. I wasn't up for any type of outings. I spent Christmas Eve morning at the outlet mall - the couple hours I was gone was not too much, but would have been if I went longer. We did some dinners out and I taught Tori how to make peanut brittle. When we went to get groceries, I tried to carry my grocery bags up the stairs from the road and the 1 1/2 flights up to their apartment. I had to give up half way up the inside stairs. The whole time, I kept busy and rested when I needed to. I didn't overdo anything.

December 30th was my last infusion. Stacy came with me again! It has been so good reconnecting with her as we sit there while the drugs are pumped into my body. Thursday and Friday were pretty good days. I rested a lot and tried to store up for the next couple of days. Saturday wasn't too bad (this has been my worst day). I was able to interact with the family and didn't have to spend the whole day sacked out on my bed. I even considered going to church on Sunday. The power went out in the morning, so they just held Sacrament meeting. I (wisely and with Jeff's advice) decided to stay home. Monday and today have been ok. I can't tell much difference in my mouth problem though, and that has been most frustrating.

One thing that I am having difficulty this time is fatigue. I have been tired the other times, but this time it is really bad. The doctor said that I am anemic, but not to the point that I will need a transfusion. I keep thinking that my out-of-breathness is due to being so inactive the last few months and I just need to get back into shape. That is not the case. The problem is anemia and so I just have to prioritize my activities and rest when I can. This is not something that I could have avoided or stored up for before. It is just the way it is now and I have to deal with it. I am assuming that I will be able to drive if I need to. I just get sooooo tired doing anything. A couple days ago, I had to sit down while brushing my teeth. I can barely make it up the stairs without taking a break (and that is not carrying anything). Today I made my bed then had to rest on it right away. I am not getting dizzy or falling over by any means. I assume if I do that would be when I would have to go in to get checked. I just need to take it slowly. I make the girls' lunch, then sit while they eat breakfast. I make my bed, then rest for a few minutes. I am getting really tired and bored with TV and the iPad. I have been watching a bunch of series of things and multiple movies. I need book suggestions. I love that I can get books on my iPad, but I need suggestions of what to read. I have so many books here at the house that I have never read, but most of them are intellectual rather than entertainment reading. I need entertainment books. I do have a list of projects that I want to get tp, but this week has not been the one to get into something that needs focus. I know this next week will get better. I just need to remember that each day is better and each week will be even more so. patience, patience.....

Once again, I appreciate and feel all the love and prayers sent my way. I keep hearing from family and friends how their children always remember to pray for me. We visited with the Whipple's while we were in SL and Edmund remembers me with every prayer. He was so cute. I got to get right up to him and have a talk about how much his prayers are helping me to get better. I took my hat off and showed him my bald head and his eyes got so huge and his jaw dropped - he couldn't figure out why I was bald. He thought it was really cool that I have some fuzzy hair coming in. That has been exciting. I know that it isn't really "coming in", but I do have a lot of single hairs coming in and lots of fuzz. I am assuming that by the end of this month is when it will get to be some serious hair growth.

A White Christmas

To update, this round was better than the worst 2. My mouth went wacko this time - I really could not tolerate much in the way of food. I spent one day sipping every few minutes from a water bottle. It was so dry and cottony.  I described it to others like this - think of burning your tongue on a hot drink. Now, imagine that feeling that you get on your tongue your whole tongue and roof and inside of the whole mouth. It lasted for a lot longer than other times. Physically I bounced back pretty well this time. I never went as down deep as #1 and #4.

We came to Salt Lake for Christmas. Carter, Tori and Jesse all couldn't take time off from work. Maggie could have if it would have been something they could have done to come up to WA for Christmas. But we decided to come ahead on down here - it all depended on last minute how I felt and how the weather was for driving. Both were favorable, so south we came. We did hit a couple of blizzardy spots on the drive through Montana, but most of the drive the roads were either just wet or bare and dry.

Maggie's parents went to Issaquah for Christmas, and they were kind enough to let us stay in their house in Lehi. This way we have more room than if we stayed with C&M, and N is not having to be on high alert with a dog in the house all the time. She has warmed up to Korah, and pets her and follows her around now, but she still is on edge not sure what K will do.

Since we got here, we have gotten a few inches of snow. This morning it was blowing so hard at the same time that it was snowing sideways. We got in at dinner time on Saturday. We met everyone at an Italian restaurant in Taylorsville. Carter couldn't make it as he had a call to go to in Layton to fix a client's computer system that had gotten a really bad virus. Sunday we went to C&M's ward then went to Jeff's sister Jan's house for a Howell family get together. Valerie was there visiting her son Jason and family (they came too). Mike and his family, all of our family, Mom came with Mike and Mom's brother in law Garth Porter and his daughter Mary were there. It was so fun to see and spend time with everyone there.

Monday the girls played with Korah in the snow. Maggie and I went shopping. Then Carter and I went to see the new Star Wars movie! I wasn't up for going out to dinner - it had been too long of a day. We went to Costco and got pizza then went home for that and games. Yesterday, Tuesday, we hung out with Maggie. Jeff went to get some tubes to go tubing, but took a long time as the first place he went didn't have any and it was crowded shopping. They all left the same time I did. I went downtown to Tori's house to help her make peanut brittle and have dinner. That was fun spending time teaching her Grandfather's technique to make the best peanut brittle! It was snowing when I left, but not really sticking on the ground. I got back to C&M's and we all came down here to Lehi. It was another long day. My stamina isn't great, but I am able to do most things. I had a hard time carrying a bag of groceries up a flight of stairs - Tori had to take it from me the last couple of steps.

So far, we are all healthy. N just came in from playing outside complaining she was going to throw up, but didn't. I think she just got overheated - so they rested a bit and are out again.We are going to go up to Riverton and maybe see a movie (everyone is working today). Carter and I will go out to dinner, since I had to back out on it on Monday. I did miss dinner out with Brenton and his family last night, but I really wanted to spend the time with Tori, and this was the only time we had, mostly so she could take the candy into work with her, but it really was the only night we could have done that. Tomorrow, everyone is going to stay here for the night, then we'll have Christmas to relax and play games and visit some more! I am loving the time with all my children together. I am getting tired obviously, but I am resting and not doing anything that is taxing to my energy.

One week from today I will be sitting in the chemo room for the last time for infusions! 2 weeks from today I should be out of all the icky stuff and feeling better and getting on the mend again but for the last time!

5 Down 1 To Go!!

Although I am not through this round, yet, I can happily say I have gotten 5 of my 6 infusions over and done with. From the last round, I am not looking forward to the next few days in terms of how I will feel. I had one round that wasn't too bad, and that was round 2. I expected then to just hit the wall like I did with the 1st one, but I didn't. The 3rd round was almost as bad as the first, and #4 I had a couple of really bad days where I just couldn't stand going through. I am not looking forward to having that happen again. I made sure to tell Dr. Sri how much I didn't like it, and to point out all the side effects that I have had this time. One of them is that my fingernails started hurting really badly. I had the middle, ring and pinky fingers on both hands get this red spot in the middle of the nail. It would hurt to pull on my socks - that grabbing and pulling motion. I just now took the picture and the redness has gone down quite a bit and the soreness is not really noticeable. I just hope that I don't loose my nail. The left middle finger was the worst. It was so bright red, that I kept thinking I had gotten a spot of paint or nail polish on it.

The soles of my feet also get really tired-sore if I walk or stand too much. The day before Thanksgiving when I was in the kitchen most of the day I really only did too much in regards to my feet. But the next couple of days with just sitting down mostly helped that to go away. I mentioned before my question as to am I getting more tired because I am not exercising, or would that get worse if I did some type of exercise? Well Dr. Sri did say that my red blood count is bordering on anemia, not enough to get a transfusion, but enough to feel the side effect of fatigue. So this time is one where energy will not beget energy. I feel like I should keep up my stamina, but at the same time, I don't want to overdo it. My heart is faring well according to the echocardiogram. The ultrasound showed that both lumps have shrunk by half which the doctor was really pleased with after 4 rounds of chemo. So all in all, this is great news here.
I also have not lost my eyebrows or eyelashes, which is nice to not have to deal with. I have a few (very few) hairs growing back on my head. A couple of the strands are even almost an inch long. Weird that hair will fall out, and then not grow, but some of the strands will actually grow. I guess I am getting ready to be done with this whole thing. I was told that surgery can happen as early as 3 weeks after my last round. I will be meeting with Dr. Moline sometime this month to discuss what will happen. I made it clear to Dr. Sri that grandbaby #1 comes the middle of February and I want to be healed and well enough to travel and be there for that.
Well, here's to a good next couple of days! It feels weird to have the infusion, feel good for a couple of days and just sit here waiting for the inevitable hit the wall time. I wish I could run around that wall really quickly, but since I can't walk up the stairs without getting winded, I guess I am not up to running around any walls. I am determined to rest, rest, rest so I will be up for travelling for Christmas to Utah in 2 weeks!

A Time of Thanks!

Well, it seems like it's been a long time since I have written, and then I realize that it has been. Mostly because I got to have a 4 week break between treatments this time. Also, my time has been full when I have been able to do stuff.

This last round really did it to me. I had a really bad day on the Sunday following the infusion. I took a while coming back from that. I guess I did write about that already. I have been more tired this time. Before I've had a week where I can't and don't do anything. Then about a few days of taking it easy and then a week and a half of pretty much doing normal things. This time I probably had a week and a half of not doing anything. Then a full week of just getting tired everytime I did any kind of activity. Before I was able to ride bikes to school for the 2 weeks before my next treatment. This time there is no way I could have done that. I have been getting a little short of breath just climbing the stairs. Not huffing and puffing, but dragging my feet the last couple of steps. I don't go downstairs very often, so it's not like that is happening all the time. But then again, I don't go downstairs, so I am not used to that activity. I don't know if I should be doing any kind of exercise. The bike riding (1/2 mile each way which took me maybe 10 minutes) was perfect and I felt good afterwards. Since the weather changed, the girls haven't been riding so I am not and so I am not getting any exercise what so ever! If you know me, I hate exercise in any form, so I guess I should be happy I am not doing it. But at the same time I want my heart to be healthy and to be able to climb the stairs and other normal activities. I will have to ask the doctor about that. When I can start again in January, I will be so rock bottom when it comes to fitness I will have to start from scratch.

Good news!! I had an echocardiogram yesterday to check how my heart is holding up as some of the drugs can do damage to the heart. I will hear about that test on Thursday from Dr. Sri. But today I had an ultrasound to check the size of the lumps and the radiologist said "they have significantly decreased in size"! I am really happy about that.

Back to how I have been feeling. So last week I was more tired than I have been on my 3rd week before. I was realizing how nice it was to have an extra week because I would be starting out this round no up to par. I am, yesterday and today, feeling much more normal. I have done things around the house and even decorated for Christmas. I don't have a lot of decorations, so it doesn't take me much time to do that. I do have a new house, so things don't have an automatic place to go. I got it all finished today and the storage boxes are put away and it looks festive around here. Tomorrow I will be able to finish a few things that need doing before me being out a week. By the time I start feeling normal again, it will be just a week before Christmas. I am going to have to turn over a lot of the gift portion of Christmas to Jeff. He actually does most of the stuff normally, so that shouldn't be too hard on him. He is a last minute shopper, though, so I will have to get on him to get some things done so we can get what needs getting in the mail on time.

I have been thinking that if I had kept on my 3 week schedule, then my 5th treatment would have been a week ago and I would be starting to feel better right now. But I can't dwell on that too much. I can say that in a week I will have been through the worst part of number 5 and will only have one more to go!!! I am so ready to be done. I am not looking forward to this - not that I have looked forward to any of them at all. I just have those couple of days that I am dreading. I shouldn't end on that note. I guess I can say that I still feel the prayers that are being offered on my behalf. I do know that my Savior Jesus Christ has been sustaining me through this ordeal. I have not understood the Atonement very much in my life, and I can't say that I really understand it all that much still. But I can say that I know that it is real. Jesus Christ did a lot more than teach us the way to live and love. He paid for our sins. But he did a lot more than that. He took upon Him ALL of our infirmities, not just our sins. All that we suffer, He has suffered. He did this and so He can understand and sustain and support us through anything that we go through. This knowledge and understanding has been the only thing that has gotten me through some hard hours. And being on the other side of this is so good that I don't want to go back into it again, but I will and I know that I will come out on the other side with even more understanding and strength.

The Calm After the Storm

Every day is a new day. That is what I have to go by through this whole ordeal. Just one day at a time - or one minute at a time, which I had to do on the Sunday and part of the Monday following this last treatment. I feel more energy every day. I have less energy than after the other treatments, so I can't expect to follow exactly the same pattern. In fact, I was told that one makes a pattern and follows it pretty closely each time. That has not been the same for me. I guess I can see a little bit of one, I just expected to feel the same, too. But the intensity of the crummies has been varied; from not being able to get out of bed, to being able to wander from living to bed-room. But I can see that I feel pretty good on treatment day and the following day. I start going down hill day 3, day 4 is the worst and I progressively get better from there, at a different pace, but it does go uphill after day 4 and 5. My taste is totally off for a good week. I have a hard time eating as absolutely nothing tastes good. My mouth is dry and filmy. I do notice that when I sleep better, the next day is much better. I am using the zolpidem that the doctor gave me for the first 4-5 nights, then Tylenol pm if I still need more nights of sleep. That has made a big difference. My worst days have been when I go to bed and think "I am tired enough to sleep" and then I have a terrible, wakeful night.

I feel almost normal today - well, normal for what I have these days. I can do most things around the house, I do have to rest more and I get out of breath going up the stairs - not huffing and puffing, but a little bit out of breath. My taste is back to where I can eat most things without gagging and it actually gives me a little pleasure. I am so happy about this as I can look forward to enjoying Thanksgiving dinner. And looking ahead to Christmas, I will be able to enjoy the week or so before that, too.

We are just getting out of the throes of a big wind storm that hit Eastern Washington on Tuesday evening. I don't know what the highest wind speed was, but it was extremely gusty and sustained high winds. Everyone around here keeps referring to the 1996 ice storm that did a bunch of damage, and this one is considered to have done much more. The power went out Tuesday afternoon right before 3:00 and we got ours back last night (Wednesday) at 6:00. Some in the area are estimated to have to go another couple days without. Tuesday night we had scheduled to have the Sister Missionaries over for dinner. Tuesday is Taco night around here, so I had taken some chicken out to thaw for dinner. I was doing some sewing - cutting a bunch of projects out and had just sewn some trim on a bed skirt for N's bed. I finished, put a pan on to cook the chicken, moved the car out of the garage (in preparation to get to piano lessons). 3 minutes after I stopped sewing, the power went off. I figured we could cook the chicken on the bbq. Jeff called me on the way to piano, and had stopped for something and his battery died. I dropped off the girls and went to jump start his car. We were both headed home to get ready for dinner then I would go get the girls (stopping at the store first). We came to a spot where the highway was closed from a power line across it. He went one way, and I went the other to get to another store and the girls. We passed about 5 downed trees on the back roads to and from piano, praying that nothing would actually come down on top of us. Jeff had to keep re-lighting the bbq as the wind kept blowing it out. It took almost an hour to cook 2 pieces of chicken. We got a new sister, and it was her first night here. It was really fun eating by candlelight and having soft tacos. The poor sisters live in a basement apartment of a farm house that runs off a well, so they don't even have water. (they came the next morning to shower).

Wednesday school was cancelled, and the girls and I just hung out at home. I didn't do much, but read and be with them. We decided to go out to dinner instead of cooking eggs on the burner on the bbq. The power came back on 10 minutes before we left, but we decided to go out anyway. It was the same plan as most of the residents of North Spokane. It was like a weekend night at the height of the dinner hour. 30+ minutes wait at Olive Garden. We opted for Azteca next door as they told us we would have a 15 minute wait. There were only 3 other people in front of us. Well, we ended up getting to know another family who came in after us. We were still waiting after 30 minutes. The party right before us had just gotten seated and guess what???.... The power went out! By then, there were about 10 or more other families waiting, and they all left. We were told to wait about 10 minutes and they would have to close if the power didn't come on by then. We all cheered a party of utility workers who were leaving from their dinner break.Well, we took off to find another place to eat. We went to another part of town which still had power. We started to go into Taco Time, but their door was closed and locked even though there were workers in there. Come to find out later the drive-thru was open. We decided to go to a place next door which is more of a local mexican restaurant place. We placed our order and were waiting for it when this same family we had befriended at Azteca walks in! That was a fun coincidence. The food was really, really good and plenty of it! I think Azteca lost customers in us last night! We came home to a warm house, and the ability to see what we were doing. I actually really like it when the power goes out. We have a big box full of old candles.. We had them all over the living room and kitchen. We have a gas fireplace which keeps the living area comfortable. We have food to eat that doesn't require cooking. We played games and the girls built a fort in the living room. Today, there is still no school as a lot of the district is still without power. They are doing chores and playing in the fort and doing some fun stuff. I just did my 'chores' and I am going to do some cross stitch and sewing.

My next treatment - if kept on the 3 week schedule - would be on Thanksgiving day. It is scheduled a week later on December 3rd - my Mother-in-law's and a couple of nephew's birthday. It will be nice to have 2 full weeks of feeling really good this time.

The Blahs

This week has been full of lots of different feelings. It was not good, but there were some good points. First, my mother came to help this time. It must have been inspired. The last 3 treatments I have been able to handle just lying low and letting things go. We had a couple of fun days together before Thursday. Then Thursday (Jeff's and my anniversary), was ok and Friday wasn't all that bad. Actually Saturday was ok to start out with. I think she wondered why she came as I was able to get up and do things. I made the pancake batter Saturday morning and sat out in the living room with the family life going on. I would get my own food and water. Then the afternoon hit and I can't even remember what happened. I don't remember if I was with it or went in my room to escape. I know that the neighbor girl came to play with A and they were quiet. Jeff took N and the other neighbor girl shopping as N needed to get a birthday present for a friend.

Sunday I was NOT good. I couldn't get comfortable. I couldn't sleep or sit or lie down. I just writhed on my bed wishing it would all go away. All I could do was think - "well, that's one minute closer to feeling better". Finally in the evening, I asked Jeff for a blessing. That was about the only thing I could think of to answer the question "What can I get for you?" Our neighbor, Clint, came over and helped Jeff with that. About 30 minutes later, I felt like I could at least not dread the next few minutes and I wasn't so un-attached. Friday night, I didn't sleep well (with a pill), and I was so tired Saturday that I thought to not have to need a sleeping aid. I was wrong. Sunday I took one at bedtime and I slept like Friday - about 3 hours uninterrupted - then off and on for the rest of the night. Monday was about the same - maybe a little better. Last night was much better. I don't know which is the better of the two - sleeping for 3 hours, awake for 2 and off and on for 3 or sleeping 6 hours straight and then be awake from 4:00 on. The sleeping pill does not knock me out for the whole night. 

Monday was a much better day. I rested all day and helped mother with the laundry. I need to get up and move around to get the blood pumping out all the toxins. Walking around the house does the trick. We also sat and planned Thanksgiving stuff. We do this every year, even though it is always the same stuff. (Although this year we are adding a green bean dish and we've never done that). Tuesday was about the same - I felt a little better. I even walked out to the main road to watch the girl's cross on their way to school. Mother and I each had stitching projects to do, so we sat here all day doing that and chatting. I am very tired today, as I have been the whole time. I can tell that the tiredness is lasting longer and being a little more intense. A and I hung crepe paper while Grandma took N shopping for her birthday. That was tiring. I have puttered around just to get up and moving, but spent most of the day on the couch.

The time with my mom here has been such a blessing. She did cleaning, playing with the kiddos, driving for me, and made N's birthday a special day. Without her here today, poor N would have spent it just like any other day off of school - pretty much boring being inside stuff. There was a time last night when I was worried for her (my mother). She took the girls to their piano lesson. Lesson's start at 4:30 and it is a 10 minute drive. It is right now 4:45 and completely dark. She isn't comfortable driving in the dark, especially in new, unlit areas. Well, the way to lessons is curvy, back roads. Luckily she had Siri to take her there and back, but it was sketchy. I sat here watching it get darker and darker hoping she was calm in her drive. She came home fine, but was glad she was home. Jeff got them on his way home from work. Normally, the piano teacher has been coming here on the week that I can't drive. I just wanted to not have to have her do that. 

This time, Dr. Sri said that my blood work has all been consistent, and that my kidneys are handling all the drugs well. The nurse said that they upped one of the drugs because of it. I am hoping they don't do that again. I have an echocardiogram scheduled on the 30th and an ultrasound to check the lumps on the 1st. The next treatment is the 3rd. They have to make sure my heart is holding up well through all of this - some of the drugs can take a toll on it. I do know that this may be one reason why I don't sleep well. My heart rate doesn't really go down when I am resting. It isn't like it is racing. But, when I have counted my resting heart rate at a normal time, it has been about 66 or 67. I did it at a time when I felt it wasn't calming a little, it was about 72. I know it's not much of a difference and maybe it doesn't matter, but it just seemed to me it wasn't slowing as it normally does. I was a little worried I was getting constipated this time, but that is no longer a concern.

Well, Jeff should be home soon. N has been asking all day when she can open her presents (Grandma took her shopping for a present and Jeff is getting ours on his way home tonight, so there haven't been wrapped gifts out here yet). She wants to do it "When dad gets home and changes his clothes". I think she thought it was generous of her to let him change his clothes. But she has to wait until after dinner like everyone else does on their birthdays. Jeff just opened the garage door. I'm off - to no where - but will watch everyone else get dinner ready and maybe even join them at the table.