Double or Nothing

I don't have a lot of time to write at this moment, but I am taking the time I have to record something. This afternoon is full through bedtime and I get up at 5 to leave tomorrow morning for surgery.

To re-cap, I left a week ago to go be in SLC for the birth of baby G!

 7lbs 6 oz - 20 inches - yes, he does have jaundice, but he is on day 3 of having a light bed, so they should be able to take him off that tomorrow.

He was born on Friday morning. I got to stay until yesterday and came home about 2 in the afternoon. I have surgery at 7:30 tomorrow morning. This last week was something that will really emotionally carry me through the next couple of weeks. I would go into detail about it all, but I don't have time. Just suffice it to say, he's the most precious thing in the whole world and has made my heart swell to bursting! Tori and Jesse are great parents already, and I had fun watching them do some first time things and worry and stress about some unknown things (like the jaundice and eating, etc.). They handled all that extremely well and are on their way to understanding just what this crazy thing called parenting can do to a person!

I have decided to go ahead and have a double mastectomy. I was considering just doing the right side at this time. The doctor left that decision to me as it mostly has to do with whether or not I could mentally handle the unknown of "what if" - would the cancer come back or manifest itself in the left side if I left that intact. I think I could do that, and I was prepared to do that, but Jeff and I really considered all angles and decided to go ahead and do everything at once.

I am really worried about what to expect the next couple of weeks. I picture myself having to pin my arms to my sides so I don't move anything so it will all heal correctly. I need to do certain things to help stave off lymphadema - which is swelling of the arm - as they are taking most or all of the lymph nodes in my right armpit. I don't think they are taking any left lymph nodes. I cannot do anything with my arms, so I don't know what it will be like to; dress, clean (even with sponge baths), get up and down from a chair, couch or bed. How will I eat, brush my teeth (don't have to worry about brushing my hair), and even hold a book? She said I can't move a computer mouse, but is that thinking of sitting at a computer desk and doing that - or will I be able to use a laptop or ipad? Actually sitting here typing this, I can tell I am using my chest muscles, so I guess not. Can you say STIR CRAZY, BORED, etc??? Mother and I went through all our movies and chose what we may want to watch the next couple of weeks. We also have Netflix and Amazon, so I don't think we'll want for entertainment. Dr. Moline did say that I shouldn't think that I will be house bound, I just can't do anything that requires using my arms - that would mean putting on a coat, so I guess not. She said that I can't drive anywhere, but that I could walk around a store, not carry anything of course.

I guess all these things will be answered by the doctor when she teaches me about my dressings, and other post-op stuff. And then of course I will learn as I go, I am just worried about the unknown at this time. I just can't say enough of how happy and elated I am that I was able to go be with Tori and Jesse at the birth of the dear, sweet, precious little baby. I am so glad they let me be there and that the timing happened before surgery. The next thing is looking at when I will be able to travel for us all to go down there for his blessing. I think that will be about 5-6 weeks out - maybe before radiation starts. If not, we'll have to do it on a long weekend since radiation is a 5 times a week thing for 6 weeks. We shall see again, when the time comes.