Everyone has been commenting and complimenting me on how well I look. Last week, Jeff and I took a long weekend trip to McCall, ID. It was a nice get away. Jeff got the trip through work for being a top salesman last year! We haven't had a "just the two of us" trip in 15 years! It'll definitely be less than 15 years until the next one. One of the gals came up to me (there were about 14 people there with the company) and complimented me on my "cute Pixie cut". "You wear it well." I thanked her and said how it was growing in nicely. She looked surprised that I would have had it even shorter than it is now. I then explained about cancer and chemo. So, I guess it is not so obvious to outsiders any more that I am a cancer patient. Since then, I have had several people tell me how nice my hair looks and that I pull of the short hair really well. That's nice - but I am not going to keep it this short, that's for sure. For one thing, I am getting to the point that it is just long enough to get some funny sticky-outies. And I'm getting hat hair when I wear a hat, which is often as I still need the extra warmth or protection from the sun. So I am for sure going to be growing it out longer than it is now. I am not sure if I'll go for the same length I had a year ago. Of course when it grows 1/2 inch a month, it'll be a long time until it gets that long again. In fact I figured that it will be at least October before I have measurable bangs. I do like the ease of care it offers. I just lather up my head with my face soap still. Maybe that is why my hair is so soft.
It has been a while since I have posted anything. There really hasn't been much going on differently in my life lately. I am feeling really good. I don't think that I really had much adverse reactions to radiation. I didn't ever get extremely tired. Aside from the bad burns on my skin which went away rather quickly, I weathered that pretty well.As I said, everyone has been telling me how well I look - that my color is great and such. I guess maybe I looked awful those months before. But I am feeling well, my brain is functioning normally, etc. That isn't to say it's tip-top, I still have forgetfulness problems, but no more than a year ago. I just looked at my medical notes and I had my first (first for this whole procedure, not first ever - but I guess it was also the last..) mammogram on June 30th last year. So it hasn't quite been one year since this whole journey started. I had the biopsy done on the 6th of July and results would have been just a few days later. Phew! What a ride this last 11 months has been. I look back on it thankful that it is over and hoping never to have to do that again. At the same time, I see what I have learned about myself and others and glad for that. I wouldn't have learned what I have in any other way. I am not saying that I would want to do any of this over again, but it sure is a lot better looking back than a year ago looking toward the unknown.
I am sitting here trying to come up with something profound to say. I don't know if I can put into words all the things that go through my head. There are so many horrible things going on in the world these days, and at the same time, there is so much good happening. Unfortunately, most people tend to look at and focus on the horrible things. I read a blog today about how we can point fingers and blame this horrible thing on that situation, or whatever. But what it all boils down to is misunderstanding and hate. Love is the only thing that can overcome the evil in the world. Just as Christ said "MY peace I leave with you". There is no way to legislate or vote in something that will make wrongs go away. The only way over all evil and wrong in the world is through love. Christ's Love is the only way. Love can't be forced or made into law. It has to be taught. When we teach that and we all live that way, then there is no room for hate. Just as light dispels the darkness, so does love dispel and overcome hate and evil. It is so simple! In fact, so simple that too many people will brush it off as being not enough. But it is just that - simple, basic truth that will make it all work out in the end. If anything, I have learned that I need to make my life more simple and not run here and there looking for happiness and peace.That I have all I need right here, in my family and in my faith. That loving others will bring me peace.
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
May The Fourth Be With You
Way back in the day - about when one of the original Star Wars movies came out - maybe The Empire Strikes Back - I happened to hear this saying on the radio. I thought it was so clever and couldn't believe that nobody else was saying it to each other since SW was so big. I remembered it and it has been a race between me and my nephew Caleb to see who can wish the other one "May the Fourth" first. Fourteen years ago, my nephew Keegan was baptized on the 4th of May. I was asked to give a talk at it, and I chose to do a talk on the Holy Ghost. The first thing I said as I stood up was this line and I had every one's attention. I likened the Force to the Holy Ghost and that we as members of The Church of Jesus Christ really do have the Force with us and we can have it with us all the time if we remain worthy of it - "It" being the Gift of the Holy Ghost. Anyway, that is the story for our family behind this special day of the year!
This year, it has significance to me. Yesterday was the last day of radiation! So May the Force be with ME!
As you can see, I am not very good at selfies. My front camera is broken, so I have to do a blind capture. Of course, the nurse didn't do much better with not getting a blurry picture, but at least she got the whole me in it. Behind me, you can see a big door. That is the door into the radiation room. It is about 8 inches thick and made of metal and other containment materials Above it (the fuzzy light in my selfie) is a sign that says "In Use" - meaning, don't come in as it is hazardous. There is even a hazard sign on the door. And that is where I am when all those hazardous rays are being released - directed right at me. Not any more!!!! I am so happy to be done with this! My skin has been healing a bit this last week. Saturday and Sunday were probably the worst for the red area behind my arm. It didn't ever get weepy or goopy. But it did get raw and close to blistery looking. This silvadine cream and vaseline gauze has been very soothing and helpful. It is a pain wearing a big pad over it to protect my clothes and keep it from drying out. The nurse made a tank top type thing out of gauzy material. I probably have to wear all this for another week at the most. The red area was about 5"x6". The edges are healing, so the worst part is now about 3x4 now. Every once in a while, I'll get a prickly feeling, like it is being scratched with sandpaper. And the redness around my sternum is getting really itchy. It is drying out a bit and I'm having a hard time not peeling it or scratching it all away. I have to put some kind of material (clothing or something) over it and just tap it to relieve the itch. At this point the best lotion has been Calendula. I still put the Emu Oil on it at night and sometimes Aloe Vera. I try the hydro-corisone, but Calendula takes away most of the itch and soothes at the same time.
I have started a hiking group to try out different places to go hiking around here. We went two weeks ago to Bowl and Pitcher and had a nice hike. I planned on going to Manito Gardens last Friday, but it rained and there were only 3 of us going - all 3 of us decided we didn't want to freeze (it was about 58*) and get wet. So I planned the same hike for today. N woke up sick and so I had to back out. That ended up cancelling it as the others decided not to go either. One of these days we'll get there. N has been watching Scooby-doo all day. I'm a little bit tired of "Rooby-rooby-roo". But it is helping her take her mind off throwing up.
Another thing I did was ride bikes with A to school today. Finally I don't have my early radiation appointment. I was having to leave the same time as A&N, so I couldn't walk or ride with them to school. I did pretty well. It's only a half mile there, but the way back is just the slightest incline, so I have to work a little harder coming home. I was a little out of breath, but I could have kept going. I had to gear down a little, but I did better than the last time I rode which was after my 3rd chemo treatment in October.
The weather has been perfect spring weather. Cool nights and 70's - 80's. The strawberry plants are thriving. This weekend is supposed to be really nice, so we are going to get a little bit more dirt for our tomato box and go get some plants and seeds this weekend. I have some lettuce growing that came up from what was left in the garden last year. The girls are excited to get some pumpkins and watermelon again. I am going to try cucumber if I can find an english cucumber plant (I got one last year, but it froze and I couldn't find another one). Also peppers and jalepenos again. The carrots were pretty much a waste, but I may try that again. (I didn't thin them, so they grew really weird). But the lettuce was really great and this year I'll plant a few seeds every couple weeks so we can eat it all summer rather than have it all grow at one time.
I guess that is all. I still have to go in every 3 weeks for my herceptin infusion. That will go on through August. I only have 6 more of those to do! Wow, I didn't realize it was that few left. I am going to go get fit for prothetics next week. It doesn't bother me much - I thought it would. But I am going to be happy to have a girlish figure back. Last Sunday I was putting a dress on and wondered why it was all baggy in front and tried to get it to straighten out until I figured out that I was needing to fill it out instead. I've been wearing lots of jackets and scarves. It's getting a little warm for that. On that note - I know I mentioned it before, but since I was diagnosed with cancer - and all that comes with it. I couldn't have asked for better timing for everything. I had my first chemo infusion the week before school started. I missed out on a couple of things like the primary program and some school events that fell in the few days after treatment. But I lost my hair just as the weather was getting cooler. So I wore hats all winter long. My grandson came with perfect timing the week before surgery. I have to wear this compression sleeve for up to a couple months after radiation ends, which puts it right about the time school gets out and the weather stays hot consistently. It is bothersome on the few mid-80 days we've had so far, but by the time it stays that warm, I won't have to wear it all the time. I will be healed up and everything by the time Jeff and I go on a get-away at the beginning of June. He qualified for a trip to a resort in McCall, ID for being a top salesman. Originally it was supposed to be Tahoe and in May, but it got changed. I don't think I would have been healed enough to really enjoy it all if it were to be even a week earlier. I will be tip-top shape (or should be) by the time school gets out. Or at least I will be able to get myself into tip-top shape by then. I keep having these thoughts about ladies who fight cancer and then go on to run marathons or something. I don't think I am that crazy - or I should say, I don't think that is in me - at least it doesn't interest me in the least. I do however want to get into better shape and do (casual) bike riding and hiking. So that is my goal. To get stronger and [heart] healthy-fit.
So with that in mind - May the Fourth Be with You and Me. I am counting on it. It has been with me for the last 9 months and I have gained strength because of it and it has carried me through the times that I haven't had any or very little strength. And it has made me stronger!
This year, it has significance to me. Yesterday was the last day of radiation! So May the Force be with ME!
As you can see, I am not very good at selfies. My front camera is broken, so I have to do a blind capture. Of course, the nurse didn't do much better with not getting a blurry picture, but at least she got the whole me in it. Behind me, you can see a big door. That is the door into the radiation room. It is about 8 inches thick and made of metal and other containment materials Above it (the fuzzy light in my selfie) is a sign that says "In Use" - meaning, don't come in as it is hazardous. There is even a hazard sign on the door. And that is where I am when all those hazardous rays are being released - directed right at me. Not any more!!!! I am so happy to be done with this! My skin has been healing a bit this last week. Saturday and Sunday were probably the worst for the red area behind my arm. It didn't ever get weepy or goopy. But it did get raw and close to blistery looking. This silvadine cream and vaseline gauze has been very soothing and helpful. It is a pain wearing a big pad over it to protect my clothes and keep it from drying out. The nurse made a tank top type thing out of gauzy material. I probably have to wear all this for another week at the most. The red area was about 5"x6". The edges are healing, so the worst part is now about 3x4 now. Every once in a while, I'll get a prickly feeling, like it is being scratched with sandpaper. And the redness around my sternum is getting really itchy. It is drying out a bit and I'm having a hard time not peeling it or scratching it all away. I have to put some kind of material (clothing or something) over it and just tap it to relieve the itch. At this point the best lotion has been Calendula. I still put the Emu Oil on it at night and sometimes Aloe Vera. I try the hydro-corisone, but Calendula takes away most of the itch and soothes at the same time.I have started a hiking group to try out different places to go hiking around here. We went two weeks ago to Bowl and Pitcher and had a nice hike. I planned on going to Manito Gardens last Friday, but it rained and there were only 3 of us going - all 3 of us decided we didn't want to freeze (it was about 58*) and get wet. So I planned the same hike for today. N woke up sick and so I had to back out. That ended up cancelling it as the others decided not to go either. One of these days we'll get there. N has been watching Scooby-doo all day. I'm a little bit tired of "Rooby-rooby-roo". But it is helping her take her mind off throwing up.
Another thing I did was ride bikes with A to school today. Finally I don't have my early radiation appointment. I was having to leave the same time as A&N, so I couldn't walk or ride with them to school. I did pretty well. It's only a half mile there, but the way back is just the slightest incline, so I have to work a little harder coming home. I was a little out of breath, but I could have kept going. I had to gear down a little, but I did better than the last time I rode which was after my 3rd chemo treatment in October.
The weather has been perfect spring weather. Cool nights and 70's - 80's. The strawberry plants are thriving. This weekend is supposed to be really nice, so we are going to get a little bit more dirt for our tomato box and go get some plants and seeds this weekend. I have some lettuce growing that came up from what was left in the garden last year. The girls are excited to get some pumpkins and watermelon again. I am going to try cucumber if I can find an english cucumber plant (I got one last year, but it froze and I couldn't find another one). Also peppers and jalepenos again. The carrots were pretty much a waste, but I may try that again. (I didn't thin them, so they grew really weird). But the lettuce was really great and this year I'll plant a few seeds every couple weeks so we can eat it all summer rather than have it all grow at one time.
I guess that is all. I still have to go in every 3 weeks for my herceptin infusion. That will go on through August. I only have 6 more of those to do! Wow, I didn't realize it was that few left. I am going to go get fit for prothetics next week. It doesn't bother me much - I thought it would. But I am going to be happy to have a girlish figure back. Last Sunday I was putting a dress on and wondered why it was all baggy in front and tried to get it to straighten out until I figured out that I was needing to fill it out instead. I've been wearing lots of jackets and scarves. It's getting a little warm for that. On that note - I know I mentioned it before, but since I was diagnosed with cancer - and all that comes with it. I couldn't have asked for better timing for everything. I had my first chemo infusion the week before school started. I missed out on a couple of things like the primary program and some school events that fell in the few days after treatment. But I lost my hair just as the weather was getting cooler. So I wore hats all winter long. My grandson came with perfect timing the week before surgery. I have to wear this compression sleeve for up to a couple months after radiation ends, which puts it right about the time school gets out and the weather stays hot consistently. It is bothersome on the few mid-80 days we've had so far, but by the time it stays that warm, I won't have to wear it all the time. I will be healed up and everything by the time Jeff and I go on a get-away at the beginning of June. He qualified for a trip to a resort in McCall, ID for being a top salesman. Originally it was supposed to be Tahoe and in May, but it got changed. I don't think I would have been healed enough to really enjoy it all if it were to be even a week earlier. I will be tip-top shape (or should be) by the time school gets out. Or at least I will be able to get myself into tip-top shape by then. I keep having these thoughts about ladies who fight cancer and then go on to run marathons or something. I don't think I am that crazy - or I should say, I don't think that is in me - at least it doesn't interest me in the least. I do however want to get into better shape and do (casual) bike riding and hiking. So that is my goal. To get stronger and [heart] healthy-fit.
So with that in mind - May the Fourth Be with You and Me. I am counting on it. It has been with me for the last 9 months and I have gained strength because of it and it has carried me through the times that I haven't had any or very little strength. And it has made me stronger!
Monday, April 25, 2016
Red Rover, Red Rover, I am Red All Over
OK, so I am not red all over, but I couldn't come up with any other catch phrase with Red in it. The photo below does not do justice to how red my back and underarm area is. Jeff took the picture yesterday and it is way more red today. It is almost purple. The spot on the top is the most red and then a swath under my arm is about the same color. The rest of my back/side is the lighter color and my chest is covered with splotchy dark red spots (like a rash) that may come together to make the whole area look like a newly painted stop sign. It hurts! and is really itchy. I know that the peak of the redness/burn will come about a week or two after the radiation actually ends, so that means I have about 3 weeks left until I can start feeling relief from all this. It isn't so bad, but that area is also swollen and the skin and underlying muscle are tight from the burn and weren't all the way stretched back to normal from after surgery. (I was not so good about remembering to do my stretches) OK, so it is bad - it is uncomfortable with a seat belt across it, I'm starting to feel it hurt when I lie on my back and even just reaching for something can make the whole area be noticeably painful. Not cry out in pain (we're actually having an issue on this very thing with N - trying to teach her to suck it up and not need consoling for every little scratch) - back to what I was saying, not-cry-out-in-pain, pain; but suck-in-your-breath-sometimes-pain. And the itch can be distracting. I try to gently rub my clothing, just moving it enough to give some kind of relief from the itch. The hydro-cortisone cream helps with that. And I am putting on lotions, aloe and emu oil frequently to help with the burning. I don't know if it is helping to actually cut down on the severity of the burns or just giving temporary relief to the area??? I don't want to find out by cutting down on it all. As I say, just about a month from now, I should be seeing noticeable difference and recovery from all of this!
My energy level is pretty much back to what it was before all this started. Sometimes during the day I hit a wall and need a power nap - and sometimes the power nap turns into a couple hours, but that was normal a year ago. I noticed that my sleep patterns are really similar. For a few days out of the month, I wake several times during the night. Some nights I am awake for a couple hours. And some nights (like last night!!!!) I actually sleep all night without waking or having to get up. I am awakened now with hot flashes, but except for the couple nights where I wake up 5 times - every 45 minutes - and can't go back to sleep for half an hour, it is all manageable. I guess there are some medications (surprise! NOT), to help with hot flashes, but they are anti-depressants and I don't want to add something that I don't have to. The Tamoxafin is enough on it's own. Dr. Sri did say that I most likely will adjust to the drug and level off somewhat so the side effects won't be so drastic.
I went in for a temple recommend interview the other night and President Martin - the counselor in the Stake Presidency - who interviewed me is an Oncology Pharmacist. He knew all about the drugs that I had and was able to tell me a little about the advances that have been made very recently. Having the HER2 positive used to be a really bad, bad thing and survival from that type of breast cancer was very low. Well, with Herceptin (which I read has only been in use for the last year or so), being HER2+ is actually a very easy and straightforward treatment now. Herceptin is a type of miracle drug for that and they pair it with Perjeta which was the only option before and it raises the survival rate way higher!
Not much other news from the family. We are enjoying the nice spring that is happening right now. Last week most days were actually near or above 80* and this week just around 70. Spokane doesn't have lots of dreary misty, rainy days. When it rains, it rains, then moves on to partly sunny or all sunny. Having grown up in Western WA, and being one of very few people who really like that weather there, it is hard to adjust to mostly sunny days. I like a big storm and rain for a few days in a row. I still feel that when the sun comes out I need to be outside soaking it up because it won't stay for very long. But I'm getting used to it. I'm looking for some fun hiking spots close by. I have started a hiking group with anyone who wants to join me. I would like to finally hike Mt. Si and Rattlesnake Ridge this summer when I am visiting my mom and dad. There, I wrote it down, it's a goal! All those years we lived in Snoqualmie, and I've never climbed those two popular hikes. I have done Little Si, but never all the way up to the top of Mt. Si. So I am doing hikes around here to bring my body up to a good fitness level to do this. That's about it!
OH, tomorrow will be the last of 5 weeks of radiation. Dr. Call said that the last week, they focus the rays directly on the surgery scar, so it won't be blasting the whole area like they have for the last 5 weeks. That is a relief!
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Old Habits Die Hard
When I got Lasik surgery 8 years ago I was so happy to be done with glasses. But the habit of pushing up glasses or carefully reaching under the glasses to rub my eyes took a long time to go away. In fact, I still sometimes do that when rubbing my eyes - slide my finger up as if under the glasses to take care of that itch. Yesterday when I was drying off after my shower I reached my hands up and did the motion to wring water from my hair (like pulling hair into a ponytail). I actually wondered for a split second why there was no hair in my hands.
Speaking of hair, mine has been growing back since the end of January! It's maybe an inch and a half long. It doesn't look like it will be curly.
It seems to be just straight as can be - at least that is what it looks like around my ears. The top has a little lift to it, but I think it's because it is so short. It is dark with some grey strands mixed in. Not enough to make it look greying, but Jeff says there is some grey. On Friday when I left radiation, I passed a gal who was just going in to that office. She was completely bald and not wearing anything on her head. I thought - well, I guess my hair is long enough - if she can go shiny head, I can go with a little fuzz. I contemplated going hatless on Sunday, but didn't. But Monday came and since then I have gone to all my appointments and errands without a hat. I keep one in my car just in case it is cold. I do need something for when I go out in the sun so I don't get sunburned, but for now, I am good without. I went to church last night for a meeting and it was activity night. So a lot of people have now seen me without any adornment. I think I am ready to do this. Besides, when I do wear a hat and then have to take it off because it is too hot or I am at home, I have funky looking hat-hair.
I shaved my hair off on September 16th. It has been 7 months since then and 3 1/2 since my last chemo treatment. Looking back I would say that it wasn't so bad. At times it was actually nice to have no hair to worry about. When I was so sick and went a day or two without showering, I didn't have greasy hair. It wasn't there to get in the way and I didn't have to think about getting it cut or styling it. It was especially nice after surgery when I couldn't do much with my right arm. I didn't have to struggle drying it or anything. I would have liked to not deal with a cold head - especially at night. But the little lap blanket that Heather M. made for me was perfect to keep just above my pillow at night so I could tuck it around my head when I got cold and just push it off when I didn't need it. It was one of the side-effects that I was most dreading, but really it was easy to get used to. It is also some kind of a statement without having to say - "I have Cancer" - people understand a little why you might looked haggard or might need a little more help or patience or why you are having to say NO to requests, etc.
I am 1/2 done with radiation! Starting to get itchy and my underarm is the most red at this point. Still feeling great and getting lots done around the house. I haven't been able to deep clean since August, so I am doing a little bit of that every day. I know a lot of people would tell me "don't worry about that!" or "don't over do anything". I am not over doing - just doing a little bit each day. I don't have a goal to turn the house inside out in a weeks time. I am doing only what I can. Also, I like to clean - well, I kind of like to clean, but I do like a clean house, so again, I am doing a little bit on the days I don't have other obligations. I am also purging stuff. I keep trying to downsize and simplify, so that is partly what I am doing. Although looking at all the junk we have, one wouldn't know that is what I am doing. I look at our neighbor's garages when they are left open and wonder how it is they don't have anything in them. There is a nice storage room downstairs in each place, but we have all our food storage and luggage down there. Plus all the walls in the garage have shelving which we have filled. I do have to say that we use what we have, but I have also kept a lot of things over the years - that is what I am purging out. It is something that I like to do, so it is fulfilling to me to get that done!
I just was going through old posts and saw another one with this same title. The first paragraph is almost verbatim with this one - funny! But I'm not going to change it.
Speaking of hair, mine has been growing back since the end of January! It's maybe an inch and a half long. It doesn't look like it will be curly.
It seems to be just straight as can be - at least that is what it looks like around my ears. The top has a little lift to it, but I think it's because it is so short. It is dark with some grey strands mixed in. Not enough to make it look greying, but Jeff says there is some grey. On Friday when I left radiation, I passed a gal who was just going in to that office. She was completely bald and not wearing anything on her head. I thought - well, I guess my hair is long enough - if she can go shiny head, I can go with a little fuzz. I contemplated going hatless on Sunday, but didn't. But Monday came and since then I have gone to all my appointments and errands without a hat. I keep one in my car just in case it is cold. I do need something for when I go out in the sun so I don't get sunburned, but for now, I am good without. I went to church last night for a meeting and it was activity night. So a lot of people have now seen me without any adornment. I think I am ready to do this. Besides, when I do wear a hat and then have to take it off because it is too hot or I am at home, I have funky looking hat-hair.I shaved my hair off on September 16th. It has been 7 months since then and 3 1/2 since my last chemo treatment. Looking back I would say that it wasn't so bad. At times it was actually nice to have no hair to worry about. When I was so sick and went a day or two without showering, I didn't have greasy hair. It wasn't there to get in the way and I didn't have to think about getting it cut or styling it. It was especially nice after surgery when I couldn't do much with my right arm. I didn't have to struggle drying it or anything. I would have liked to not deal with a cold head - especially at night. But the little lap blanket that Heather M. made for me was perfect to keep just above my pillow at night so I could tuck it around my head when I got cold and just push it off when I didn't need it. It was one of the side-effects that I was most dreading, but really it was easy to get used to. It is also some kind of a statement without having to say - "I have Cancer" - people understand a little why you might looked haggard or might need a little more help or patience or why you are having to say NO to requests, etc.
I am 1/2 done with radiation! Starting to get itchy and my underarm is the most red at this point. Still feeling great and getting lots done around the house. I haven't been able to deep clean since August, so I am doing a little bit of that every day. I know a lot of people would tell me "don't worry about that!" or "don't over do anything". I am not over doing - just doing a little bit each day. I don't have a goal to turn the house inside out in a weeks time. I am doing only what I can. Also, I like to clean - well, I kind of like to clean, but I do like a clean house, so again, I am doing a little bit on the days I don't have other obligations. I am also purging stuff. I keep trying to downsize and simplify, so that is partly what I am doing. Although looking at all the junk we have, one wouldn't know that is what I am doing. I look at our neighbor's garages when they are left open and wonder how it is they don't have anything in them. There is a nice storage room downstairs in each place, but we have all our food storage and luggage down there. Plus all the walls in the garage have shelving which we have filled. I do have to say that we use what we have, but I have also kept a lot of things over the years - that is what I am purging out. It is something that I like to do, so it is fulfilling to me to get that done!
I just was going through old posts and saw another one with this same title. The first paragraph is almost verbatim with this one - funny! But I'm not going to change it.
Monday, April 11, 2016
The Lone Lash
It is really hard to take a selfie with an iPad. Then, iPads don't do macro shots. So this photo is really blurry, but it tells the story anyway. It is cropped to not show the eyeball. That is for my mother and son's benefit. But I needed to document this.
If you look hard enough, you can see the one eyelash sticking up longer than the others. My eyelashes did end up falling mostly out, but this one held on through thick and thin. I was finally able to put mascara on this last weekend and this one lash sticks out even more with the added mascara.
If you look hard enough, you can see the one eyelash sticking up longer than the others. My eyelashes did end up falling mostly out, but this one held on through thick and thin. I was finally able to put mascara on this last weekend and this one lash sticks out even more with the added mascara.
I was just going over all my posts and realized this picture never got in there. For some reason, I can't insert a photo from my ipad photo gallery. So I took the picture and never sent it to myself so I could put it in on the computer. My lashes are slowly getting longer, but that one lash is still longer and hanging in there!
Friday, April 8, 2016
What is Radiation?
I am 43% done with radiation!! I keep getting asked what happens with radiation. I go in every day and it takes about 10 minutes from start to finish. In fact, with a 9 minute drive, today it took me 32 minutes from leaving my house until I got home. I go into the office and change into a lovely hospital robe. They have me then lie down on this table...
They described it as large Kitchen Aid. I had never really looked at it before taking the picture. I just went in and got on the table. You can see the blue "pillow" there. (misleading description as it isn't soft in the least) That is where I put my head and reach up to grab hold of the two white posts above it. The pillow is specifically designed for me so I am in the same position every time. It is not a pillow, but a form of some sort. When they made it, they just pumped up something with air to form around me. I guess they used that as a mold, or maybe it was soft material that they pumped up that hardened when they were through. Anyway, the table then gets raised up and back under that large round thing. That is where the radiation (think x-ray) comes out. That moves around me, so it is pointing at different angles. The radiation part is about 2 seconds long - they do about 3 or 4 angles. In that big round thing, there are teeth that move open or shut to direct the rays exactly where they need to be. When all the teeth are open, it is about 10" square. When it is radiating, the openings are about 1-2 inches or smaller. Hard to explain, but that is the best way I can think to explain it. This other picture is of the ceiling. In the CT room, it is of a waterfall in a rain forest. Kind of nice they think of the patient lying there with nothing to look at.
I am starting to feel the effects of the radiation. I have a definite darker "tan" line on my chest. It goes from the mid-line (sternum) and across the bottom of the rib cage. My armpit is getting red also. It also goes up over my shoulder just about where I can reach with my opposite hand and around my side to where I can reach. That quadrant will always be darker than the rest of my skin and will be sensitive to the sun. I need to make sure to always have sunscreen on anything exposed. It is also getting to be more sensitive. I wouldn't say it hurts yet, but for sure it is sensitive on the verge of being itchy (think sunburn). The itchy will get worse and annoying. There could possibly be blisters at it's very worst. I am using aloe and creams to keep the skin moist and soothed. I also switched to a very mild shower soap.
Other than that, I am feeling really good. I went out and did some weeding for about 20 minutes (I had to set the timer or I would just stay out there for far too long). I also sprayed some weed killer for about 2 hours. We have this large yard and along both fence lines is a huge space of nothing but weeds. If it were mine, I'd either plant grass all the way to the fence or build some of it up for planting. We have some "raised beds" - we just nailed together some scrap wood that was left here to make some 6 foot square gardens. There are 3 of them and then another deeper one for tomatoes. Last year, the girls each took one and I had one and we had fun deciding what to plant. N grew a huge sunflower and A got the largest pumpkin. We planted marigolds around the border and since I wasn't up to cleaning it all out in the fall, the marigolds all went to seed and there a thousands of seed in and around each garden bed. We'll have to be diligent about pulling those this spring. They made a nice border, but I thought they'd be about 8 inches tall. They got to be about 2 feet tall and made it hard to get into the rest of the garden. Nova already has a strawberry blossom on one of her plants.
It has been really nice weather this past week, which has been our Spring Break. We took a drive out to Kettle Falls, only to find out that the Falls are under a lot of water due to the Grand Coulee Dam which was built back in 1942. I guess no one thought to change the name of the town to signify that there are no longer any falls there. It was a cute town, but it was a long drive and the girls were bored. We did get out and explore an old mission area. The building has been re-built and there was an old cemetery and a large boulder that was used as a sharpening stone by the Natives to sharpen their fishing tools. It is made of amphibolite which is more fine-grained than the local bedrock. All this overlooks Lake Roosevelt which is the lake that now covers the original Kettle Falls. We did go down a side road and were able to view Myers Falls which is part of another river that feeds into the Columbia.
Since I have had radiation every morning, we didn't plan any other trips. It has been such nice weather that the girls have just been playing with neighbors and outside a lot. They even slept in the tent last night. Since last year's backyard sleeping lasted a whole 15 minutes, I gave them about 20 before coming in. No, they lasted all night. We slept with our window open which put us actually closer to them in the tent than when they are in their own beds. They woke up a little cold and got damp from all the dew this morning. It has been a quiet, but good week.
They described it as large Kitchen Aid. I had never really looked at it before taking the picture. I just went in and got on the table. You can see the blue "pillow" there. (misleading description as it isn't soft in the least) That is where I put my head and reach up to grab hold of the two white posts above it. The pillow is specifically designed for me so I am in the same position every time. It is not a pillow, but a form of some sort. When they made it, they just pumped up something with air to form around me. I guess they used that as a mold, or maybe it was soft material that they pumped up that hardened when they were through. Anyway, the table then gets raised up and back under that large round thing. That is where the radiation (think x-ray) comes out. That moves around me, so it is pointing at different angles. The radiation part is about 2 seconds long - they do about 3 or 4 angles. In that big round thing, there are teeth that move open or shut to direct the rays exactly where they need to be. When all the teeth are open, it is about 10" square. When it is radiating, the openings are about 1-2 inches or smaller. Hard to explain, but that is the best way I can think to explain it. This other picture is of the ceiling. In the CT room, it is of a waterfall in a rain forest. Kind of nice they think of the patient lying there with nothing to look at.I am starting to feel the effects of the radiation. I have a definite darker "tan" line on my chest. It goes from the mid-line (sternum) and across the bottom of the rib cage. My armpit is getting red also. It also goes up over my shoulder just about where I can reach with my opposite hand and around my side to where I can reach. That quadrant will always be darker than the rest of my skin and will be sensitive to the sun. I need to make sure to always have sunscreen on anything exposed. It is also getting to be more sensitive. I wouldn't say it hurts yet, but for sure it is sensitive on the verge of being itchy (think sunburn). The itchy will get worse and annoying. There could possibly be blisters at it's very worst. I am using aloe and creams to keep the skin moist and soothed. I also switched to a very mild shower soap.
Other than that, I am feeling really good. I went out and did some weeding for about 20 minutes (I had to set the timer or I would just stay out there for far too long). I also sprayed some weed killer for about 2 hours. We have this large yard and along both fence lines is a huge space of nothing but weeds. If it were mine, I'd either plant grass all the way to the fence or build some of it up for planting. We have some "raised beds" - we just nailed together some scrap wood that was left here to make some 6 foot square gardens. There are 3 of them and then another deeper one for tomatoes. Last year, the girls each took one and I had one and we had fun deciding what to plant. N grew a huge sunflower and A got the largest pumpkin. We planted marigolds around the border and since I wasn't up to cleaning it all out in the fall, the marigolds all went to seed and there a thousands of seed in and around each garden bed. We'll have to be diligent about pulling those this spring. They made a nice border, but I thought they'd be about 8 inches tall. They got to be about 2 feet tall and made it hard to get into the rest of the garden. Nova already has a strawberry blossom on one of her plants.
It has been really nice weather this past week, which has been our Spring Break. We took a drive out to Kettle Falls, only to find out that the Falls are under a lot of water due to the Grand Coulee Dam which was built back in 1942. I guess no one thought to change the name of the town to signify that there are no longer any falls there. It was a cute town, but it was a long drive and the girls were bored. We did get out and explore an old mission area. The building has been re-built and there was an old cemetery and a large boulder that was used as a sharpening stone by the Natives to sharpen their fishing tools. It is made of amphibolite which is more fine-grained than the local bedrock. All this overlooks Lake Roosevelt which is the lake that now covers the original Kettle Falls. We did go down a side road and were able to view Myers Falls which is part of another river that feeds into the Columbia.
Since I have had radiation every morning, we didn't plan any other trips. It has been such nice weather that the girls have just been playing with neighbors and outside a lot. They even slept in the tent last night. Since last year's backyard sleeping lasted a whole 15 minutes, I gave them about 20 before coming in. No, they lasted all night. We slept with our window open which put us actually closer to them in the tent than when they are in their own beds. They woke up a little cold and got damp from all the dew this morning. It has been a quiet, but good week.
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
One down, 29 To Go
It has finally started. I am nearly 7 weeks post-op and so today was my first radiation day.
To re-cap, I have been healing really well this last month and have most of my function and range of motion back for my right arm. My left arm has not had very many problems with healing and I got my range of motion back really quickly with that. I had my physical therapy appointment on the 11th and that went well. I don't have to go back unless I find that I am having problems or getting any kind of swelling. She sent me with instructions on how to massage to clear out my lymph system and stretching exercises. I also have to do some massaging on the scars to break down any scar tissue. I have to do the massaging once a day and the stretches 3-4 times a day. I haven't been very good at the stretching, doing maybe one time a day. I don't feel very many limitations, mostly when I go to hang up something and I can't quite reach without it being uncomfortable. I need to be better at doing those stretches. I also was told to get a compression sleeve. I need to wear it daily until about 2 months after radiation ends. Then I will need to wear it just when I work out (never), do any type of heavy work or fly. I was told that it may be uncomfortable, but it really isn't too bad. If I put it way up on my arm, it pinches in my armpit, but I try to put it just under where it does that.
I am really lucky with the timing with all of this. My hair fell out just when the weather was getting cold, so I just wore hats all the time. It is almost grown in enough to stop wearing the hats. I also will not have to wear this sleeve in the hot, hot weather. Just through June. I am feeling really, really good. I guess when one feels really crummy, then when you start to feel better, it seems like everything is lighter and brighter.
Yesterday was my safety day (in regards to the radiation). They put me on the bed of the machine and ran through all the stuff to make sure the computer settings were all correct. They also put two other markers on my. Actual permanent markers and covered with a clear bandage. I don't know why they couldn't have done that instead of tattoos. But oh, well. I have to be careful of the bandages in the shower and not scrub them. I am assuming that they will have to replace them a couple times during the next 6 weeks. But I will be careful not to scrub them off or peel them in any way. Today was the real thing. It took exactly 10 minutes for them to do all the adjusting and then the zapping. It is just like getting an X-ray. The machine adjusts to where it needs to be and zaps whatever it zaps at me. I don't feel anything. It will be a pain to go out every day for a 10 minute appointment, but at the same time - it is so close that at least I am not driving 30 minutes to the doctor's office for a short appointment every day. It is an 8 minute drive. I was home half an hour after I left this morning. That is a good thing! Tomorrow I have my next infusion and visit with Dr. Sri, so I will be gone all morning, and Friday I have an appointment with an ophthalmologist in the morning before my radiation. I started on Tamoxofin 3 weeks ago. That is an anti-estrogen pill I have to take every day for 5 years. So far the only side effect I have had from that is hot flashes. It is that time of my life that it would happen any way, and it is definitely happening. I haven't gotten to the point of actually sweating in public, but I have been awakened in the night having to throw off all the blankets for a couple minutes. I am also hardly wearing my hat (which my hat of choice is knit), at home. I have been tempted to cast it off while out doing errands, but I don't think I am ready for that just yet. Maybe next week....
My hair is coming in just as straight as it was before. It is also dark. We'll see if it stays that way or not. I was so wanting curls and I imagined that it would mostly be gray or white. I remember when a good friend - Paige Cahoon - had her hair grown back. She told me (I didn't know her before she lost her hair) that it was almost black before and it came in a nice dark brown. Of course not knowing her before, it looked totally normal to me, but it probably was weird to her having it be different. I don't know if I will color mine or not - I just have to wait and see. It will be probably another year before it is the length I want it anyway.
Well, not much else going on here. The weather has been really nice. It is cold in the mornings and warm - up in the 50's and 60's in the afternoons. I have been walking at least a mile in the mornings when the girls go to school. I was going to start riding my bike with them this week. But I just realized that I won't be able to do that. I had told the gal who scheduled all my radiation appointments that I could do 9:30 or after and before 2:30. When she walked away, she said "So between 9 and 2:30" and I corrected her and said 9:30. Well, she scheduled me at 9:20. That means I can see the girls off and then leave. So I am missing my morning walk. Maybe I'll see if I can change that tomorrow. I asked about changing one day for next week, and the other gal (all the radiation nurses do the scheduling, too - they don't have just a scheduler), said that if I need to change a day, to talk to them the day before as things are changing all the time with new patients starting and older patients finishing treatments. But I am wanting to change my actual everyday time. I don't want to be difficult, but I also want to be able to walk or ride to keep up my energy.
To re-cap, I have been healing really well this last month and have most of my function and range of motion back for my right arm. My left arm has not had very many problems with healing and I got my range of motion back really quickly with that. I had my physical therapy appointment on the 11th and that went well. I don't have to go back unless I find that I am having problems or getting any kind of swelling. She sent me with instructions on how to massage to clear out my lymph system and stretching exercises. I also have to do some massaging on the scars to break down any scar tissue. I have to do the massaging once a day and the stretches 3-4 times a day. I haven't been very good at the stretching, doing maybe one time a day. I don't feel very many limitations, mostly when I go to hang up something and I can't quite reach without it being uncomfortable. I need to be better at doing those stretches. I also was told to get a compression sleeve. I need to wear it daily until about 2 months after radiation ends. Then I will need to wear it just when I work out (never), do any type of heavy work or fly. I was told that it may be uncomfortable, but it really isn't too bad. If I put it way up on my arm, it pinches in my armpit, but I try to put it just under where it does that.
I am really lucky with the timing with all of this. My hair fell out just when the weather was getting cold, so I just wore hats all the time. It is almost grown in enough to stop wearing the hats. I also will not have to wear this sleeve in the hot, hot weather. Just through June. I am feeling really, really good. I guess when one feels really crummy, then when you start to feel better, it seems like everything is lighter and brighter.
Yesterday was my safety day (in regards to the radiation). They put me on the bed of the machine and ran through all the stuff to make sure the computer settings were all correct. They also put two other markers on my. Actual permanent markers and covered with a clear bandage. I don't know why they couldn't have done that instead of tattoos. But oh, well. I have to be careful of the bandages in the shower and not scrub them. I am assuming that they will have to replace them a couple times during the next 6 weeks. But I will be careful not to scrub them off or peel them in any way. Today was the real thing. It took exactly 10 minutes for them to do all the adjusting and then the zapping. It is just like getting an X-ray. The machine adjusts to where it needs to be and zaps whatever it zaps at me. I don't feel anything. It will be a pain to go out every day for a 10 minute appointment, but at the same time - it is so close that at least I am not driving 30 minutes to the doctor's office for a short appointment every day. It is an 8 minute drive. I was home half an hour after I left this morning. That is a good thing! Tomorrow I have my next infusion and visit with Dr. Sri, so I will be gone all morning, and Friday I have an appointment with an ophthalmologist in the morning before my radiation. I started on Tamoxofin 3 weeks ago. That is an anti-estrogen pill I have to take every day for 5 years. So far the only side effect I have had from that is hot flashes. It is that time of my life that it would happen any way, and it is definitely happening. I haven't gotten to the point of actually sweating in public, but I have been awakened in the night having to throw off all the blankets for a couple minutes. I am also hardly wearing my hat (which my hat of choice is knit), at home. I have been tempted to cast it off while out doing errands, but I don't think I am ready for that just yet. Maybe next week....
My hair is coming in just as straight as it was before. It is also dark. We'll see if it stays that way or not. I was so wanting curls and I imagined that it would mostly be gray or white. I remember when a good friend - Paige Cahoon - had her hair grown back. She told me (I didn't know her before she lost her hair) that it was almost black before and it came in a nice dark brown. Of course not knowing her before, it looked totally normal to me, but it probably was weird to her having it be different. I don't know if I will color mine or not - I just have to wait and see. It will be probably another year before it is the length I want it anyway.
Well, not much else going on here. The weather has been really nice. It is cold in the mornings and warm - up in the 50's and 60's in the afternoons. I have been walking at least a mile in the mornings when the girls go to school. I was going to start riding my bike with them this week. But I just realized that I won't be able to do that. I had told the gal who scheduled all my radiation appointments that I could do 9:30 or after and before 2:30. When she walked away, she said "So between 9 and 2:30" and I corrected her and said 9:30. Well, she scheduled me at 9:20. That means I can see the girls off and then leave. So I am missing my morning walk. Maybe I'll see if I can change that tomorrow. I asked about changing one day for next week, and the other gal (all the radiation nurses do the scheduling, too - they don't have just a scheduler), said that if I need to change a day, to talk to them the day before as things are changing all the time with new patients starting and older patients finishing treatments. But I am wanting to change my actual everyday time. I don't want to be difficult, but I also want to be able to walk or ride to keep up my energy.
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